So yesterday the long awaited day of going ice skating finally came. I still felt very anxious and nervous on the journey there as I did not know what to expect. I had the most amazing night with my friends, and made lots of very funny memories. I was at first bit disappointed and upset because I felt as thought he was dodging me a bit at times, but despite this I still had lots of fun with my own friends. He did help me up every time I fell on the ice which was quite sweet. Throughout the night my friends kept pushing me and telling me to walk with him and make conversation. I felt so shy and honestly didn't know what to do. The highlight of last night must be when he joined my friends and I for dinner at a Japanese restaurant. I was so happy it was just the four of us and not joined by his other friends, eisthwise there won't be any opportunity to have a good conversation with him. Things I thought would happen did not, maybe because his friends were there so it would be awkward if he was close with me.
So long story short, I currently feel as though Im back to square 1 of missing him again. Since I rarely get the opportunity to see him and so much has happened in-between Halloween night and last night. So in conclusion I feel as though especially from his point of view and as painful as it is for to admit I feel as though he only wants to be friends. I don't sense any motivation to take this relationship further than friends. In my mind I overhype the reality of situations and even as i am typing this I don't know what to say. I want to stay happy but whenever I think of him .....i wish i could !
Would i feel emotionally better if I just try to forget him but the more I try the more I miss him. He's just such a nice guy so thats why I fell for him. Such a simple reason but has such a large impact on me. He's done nothing that hurt me but the vibe I can feel is he only thinks of me as a friend.
Thursday 8 December 2016
Monday 5 December 2016
Just friends or something else ?
So last week Alex texted me and invited me to an ice skating event on 7th December. I was so happy and excited because it has been a month since I have seen him and it felt as though he is in a way 'asking me out'. But as the days come nearer, Ive become more insecure as in what to expect on Wednesday. Since that day will in some ways label how our friendship really is. Over the past few days friends have been asking me what Alex and I talk about, as this would in some ways judge if there is a spark in our relationship. Truthfully, even though we have a impressive streak on snapchat of 10 days +, also we have been communicating everyday for the past month. But there hasn't been a very deep conversation, it probably because Ive only seen him twice and known him only for a few months therefore the friendship isn't very deep, in comparison to if I went to Uni with him. For the past few days I have just been telling myself not to expect anything and to not get my hopes up. Honestly, I just don't want to be disappointed since I rarely get the opportunity to see him. Scared, Worried, Fearful etc are words I would describe how I feel right now. Even talking about it to my friends worry me as I'm worried I will jinx everything. Also, the amount I have due in next week has been helping to keep my mind off things but a relationship has been something I have wanted for a while now and its not been smooth sailing in terms of my love life. Being an only child has resulted in growing up alone in some terms. Even though I have my forever loving parents and friends with me, there have been times when I really wanted to talk to or have the company of a sibling. Therefore when the opportunity for me to meet new people aka boys, I guess this was my chance to fill the void of having someone who love and cares for me, someone always there for me.
Monday 7 November 2016
After a storm there is always a rainbow !
So its deadline month again, November! Every week it seems there is some form of deadline waiting to meet me, with the monster deadline awaiting defeat at the final days of the month. Last weekend was so much fun and really helped to relieve some of the stress. On Saturday, my friends and I went up to London to do fabric research and sightseeing. Travelling around my favourite area in London, Soho. Also, we stopped over in Shoreditch to see a exhibition by Lazy Oaf. Afterwards, we walked past a food market and found my favourite Hong Kong egg rolls. I've heard about this stall on Instagram and I finally got the chance to try it. I immediately sent a photo to Alex :D ! It felt so good to have it again since the last time I had egg rolls was in Summer. Then Pris and I took the tube to Leicester Square and went to China Town. Like sisters, we hung out and explored the area. Drinking Cream Green Tea and admiring the night view down Regent's street. My favourite area to look at the night lights is definitely Piccadilly Circus. The iconic image of London. The city buildings glow in the dark. As Christmas is fast approaching it makes the atmosphere very joyful.
Sunday was work day for me. Stress and drowning in the amount of work that needed completing for my tutorial Monday morning. The tutorial went very well, since I was the only one who turned up I was able to get my tutor's full attention. Afterwards, I called home since its been a while since Ive spoken to Mum. It was relaxing to here wise words from mum and share a conversation. What really brightened my day was, after my tutorial I posted on snapchat the fact I had not slept. Soon after I get a snap from Alex. Brief conversation but it was his initiative to talk to me was what made me very happy, since I thought chances with him were slim since he declined his invite to Hannah's party since he had Uni both days :( ! It feels really warm to talk to someone who comes from the same background as you as you can share the same language and culture. Today was a very happy day, very rewarding. Allowing me to recharge and carry on working hard for the future deadlines. Recently, I've been really into Dean's songs. It's a mixture of soft RnB and rap. Very soothing and good for getting me in the mood; whether its to work and chilling.
Quote of the post: After a storm there is always a rainbow. Just because today was a bad day doesn't mean tomorrow will be too. Smile and stay Positive Sammy ! :D
Sunday was work day for me. Stress and drowning in the amount of work that needed completing for my tutorial Monday morning. The tutorial went very well, since I was the only one who turned up I was able to get my tutor's full attention. Afterwards, I called home since its been a while since Ive spoken to Mum. It was relaxing to here wise words from mum and share a conversation. What really brightened my day was, after my tutorial I posted on snapchat the fact I had not slept. Soon after I get a snap from Alex. Brief conversation but it was his initiative to talk to me was what made me very happy, since I thought chances with him were slim since he declined his invite to Hannah's party since he had Uni both days :( ! It feels really warm to talk to someone who comes from the same background as you as you can share the same language and culture. Today was a very happy day, very rewarding. Allowing me to recharge and carry on working hard for the future deadlines. Recently, I've been really into Dean's songs. It's a mixture of soft RnB and rap. Very soothing and good for getting me in the mood; whether its to work and chilling.
Quote of the post: After a storm there is always a rainbow. Just because today was a bad day doesn't mean tomorrow will be too. Smile and stay Positive Sammy ! :D
Saturday 29 October 2016
爱情成功但是失败 😭
已经第二日，他都冇再text 我😭。是不是又矢败，我真是希望不是，因为我真是發觉我喜欢他。不是有好感觉是真心喜欢他。是不是他最近好忙？他之是当我是朋友？但是…
好想每天见到他，每天好miss 他😭
Haven't even tried yet and has it already failed... I don't want to rush and screw up again! The feeling is different this time so I want to cherish this and not lose you. I now know for sure what I want and how I want it. If the saying 'u have to lose some to gain some' is true then I've failed many times and want to succeed this time!
Wish me luck 💪🏻 加油啊鄧曉嵐！
I fell in love with the ghostboy - Robotaki 🎧
好想每天见到他，每天好miss 他😭
Haven't even tried yet and has it already failed... I don't want to rush and screw up again! The feeling is different this time so I want to cherish this and not lose you. I now know for sure what I want and how I want it. If the saying 'u have to lose some to gain some' is true then I've failed many times and want to succeed this time!
Wish me luck 💪🏻 加油啊鄧曉嵐！
I fell in love with the ghostboy - Robotaki 🎧
Friday 28 October 2016
Could he be the one ?
On October 26th, I went to Hatfield, Hertfordshire for a Halloween party. Feeling excited but very nervous I took a train by myself this time which took 2 hours. After I got out the Uber and arrived at Alex's house, I felt extremely scared. Scared it was going to be another bad night, I would get upset and insecure about my surroundings. I called my best friend for a bit but had to cut the call when Alex opened the door. Normally when I feel this way, its quite opposite to how the night turns out. His housemates were so funny and welcoming when I came in.
So pre drinks started and we played ring of fire. The atmosphere was loud and fun. The best part was really the flat party, where nearly everyone was BBC Hong kong Chinese. So it really felt at home because we could all speak cantonese. Seeing familiar faces from last time I went to UOH freshers and meeting new ones. I finally got to meet Nicole who everyone says we look alike. To be honest its only our lower face structure thats the same. We all starting getting a bit drunk and playing drinking games before we headed out to Forum. On the way there, Alex and I were fairly tipsy because we were talking so much crap. The funniest part is when he told me his flatmate Jeffrey fancied me, I found this very flattering but unfortunately he is not my type; he also reminds me bit of Thomas. Must be the naive personalty :D ! In Forum, the group split up, I stuck with Kevin and his group and went upstairs to the "attic". Alex was downstairs, apparently he got very drunk and was in the toilet for half an hour.
At around 12 to 1, I went with Cherry and Nicole to go dance until we saw Alex on the verge of passing out and very drunk in the open space with Jess, who was helping him. The bouncers saw him and kicked him out, since i was staying at his house that night so I followed to make sure he was ok. Since I couldn't carry Alex home by myself, Jess noticed and helped me. Each carrying his shoulder, we eventually got him home. During that hour, he thew up about twice and we had to keep sitting down since he was so heavy. What scared me the most was that he kept shivering and hyperventilating really badly. If Jess wasn't with me, I would defiantly not know what to do. I kept thinking was he having a panic attack or an asthma attack! Throughout the way home, I just held onto him and comforting him. There was a point where two bouncers came up and asked how is he? jess replied yeah he just broke up with his girlfriend, which I found really funny. He was fairly conscious of what was happening after he threw up the first time. Even though my feet were aching really badly, we finally got him home and into bed. He passed out immediately.
During the night, I slept beside him making sure he was ok. His condition was fine until he woke up. We chatted in bed, mainly asking what happened and I filled in the gaps. Then he started throwing up continuously, hyperventilating and feeling really cold. It got too a point where I got up to get him some warm water hoping it would help. Eventually he asked me to google 'How to treat Alcohol poisoning'. At this point I knew it was getting serious and a potential trip to the hospital was needed. He just kept telling me he was short of breath and his face felt numb. At around 9am, we called 111 ( NHS) and other medical centres. Before the paramedics came, he was still shaking so I sat next to him and I put my arm around his shoulder to calm him down. The paramedic came to his house and treated him. Checking his blood pressure and alcohol level. His housemates were surprisingly calm and found it funny. All the drama ended before 10am. We both went back to sleep since we were both so tired. After he threw up once more, he felt fine. My eyes were shut but I was awake. I heard him talking to his housemates and he kept saying Jess and Sammy saved my life! aww sweet time <3 He kept trying to rewind what happened last night, funny stuff came out and shocking stories were told. It felt really warm to sleep next to someone again. Alex is such a gentlemen, even though we were sleeping next to each other, not once did he try to touch me unlike William and Philip who took advantage of this. The same morning, he said I could stay as long as I wanted, and even missing a lecture for this. His housemate Jeffrey came in and saw us two sleeping in the same bed. I think he got really jealous because he didn't make eye contact with me. When he brought in a cup of water, I asked oh wheres mine. He replied you two can both share it. I don't know why I found that funny. After getting ready, I asked do you want to grab lunch, he said yes! I was secretly like YES! He offered to cook me won ton mean! I was like double yes ! Something about guys and cooking , triple YES! We eventually ate Pancakes and Nutella, sweetness in heart <3. We stood in the kitchen and talked and talked. Found out a lot about each other. I left at 2pm since he had quite a few deadlines and work to do.
Overall it was a really funny night, most importantly I made memories with Alex. Truthfully, he is really my type. He's funny, outgoing, handsome, tall, cute and really sweet. Not to mention a real gentlemen, and also he's from Hong Kong as well bbc ! Yes the bbc jokes especially the HK ones <:D Hopefully he could be the one, because I really hope he his. I just feel really comfortable and safe with him. That feeling when I'm shy but at the same time I really want to around him. Even this morning when I woke up, he was the first person I though of. How good it would be to get a message from him. He texted me the same night of the previous day, 27th to thank me for taking care of him. The only downside is he's in Hertfordshire and I'm in Surrey, different universities and 2 hours away by train. Even though our homes aren't that far away. Also, since he is in third year, he sounds really busy with his uni work which is understandable. I mean if its meant to be, its definitely meant to be! I really like him and hopefully he does or eventually feel the same way. Really praying he's the one because I just feel really happy when Im with him. Throughout today I couldn't stop smiling when I daydreamed about him. That warm happy feeling! Thinking about what it would be like if we were dating. Would I get a boyfriend before Christmas or my 20th birthday? Fourth time a charm in 2016? Does he think of me like I do of him ? Is he looking to be in a relationship? Does he like me? Questions like this run through my head. One thing is for sure, to not mess-up this time I'm going to take it really slow, and not confessing my feelings so early. Establishing a good base before moving up a level in the relationship. I really want to bring a boy home where I can introduce as my boyfriend. Alex is defiantly the one but he has to like me as well. As I always say, everything in my life is perfect except my love life. The one thing I can't control because it is down to fate. Just hoping talking about it doesn't jinx it. Next time I see him will most likely be a night out in Christmas, if i can get it to be just us two again or maybe he can come down to Surrey.
So pre drinks started and we played ring of fire. The atmosphere was loud and fun. The best part was really the flat party, where nearly everyone was BBC Hong kong Chinese. So it really felt at home because we could all speak cantonese. Seeing familiar faces from last time I went to UOH freshers and meeting new ones. I finally got to meet Nicole who everyone says we look alike. To be honest its only our lower face structure thats the same. We all starting getting a bit drunk and playing drinking games before we headed out to Forum. On the way there, Alex and I were fairly tipsy because we were talking so much crap. The funniest part is when he told me his flatmate Jeffrey fancied me, I found this very flattering but unfortunately he is not my type; he also reminds me bit of Thomas. Must be the naive personalty :D ! In Forum, the group split up, I stuck with Kevin and his group and went upstairs to the "attic". Alex was downstairs, apparently he got very drunk and was in the toilet for half an hour.
At around 12 to 1, I went with Cherry and Nicole to go dance until we saw Alex on the verge of passing out and very drunk in the open space with Jess, who was helping him. The bouncers saw him and kicked him out, since i was staying at his house that night so I followed to make sure he was ok. Since I couldn't carry Alex home by myself, Jess noticed and helped me. Each carrying his shoulder, we eventually got him home. During that hour, he thew up about twice and we had to keep sitting down since he was so heavy. What scared me the most was that he kept shivering and hyperventilating really badly. If Jess wasn't with me, I would defiantly not know what to do. I kept thinking was he having a panic attack or an asthma attack! Throughout the way home, I just held onto him and comforting him. There was a point where two bouncers came up and asked how is he? jess replied yeah he just broke up with his girlfriend, which I found really funny. He was fairly conscious of what was happening after he threw up the first time. Even though my feet were aching really badly, we finally got him home and into bed. He passed out immediately.
During the night, I slept beside him making sure he was ok. His condition was fine until he woke up. We chatted in bed, mainly asking what happened and I filled in the gaps. Then he started throwing up continuously, hyperventilating and feeling really cold. It got too a point where I got up to get him some warm water hoping it would help. Eventually he asked me to google 'How to treat Alcohol poisoning'. At this point I knew it was getting serious and a potential trip to the hospital was needed. He just kept telling me he was short of breath and his face felt numb. At around 9am, we called 111 ( NHS) and other medical centres. Before the paramedics came, he was still shaking so I sat next to him and I put my arm around his shoulder to calm him down. The paramedic came to his house and treated him. Checking his blood pressure and alcohol level. His housemates were surprisingly calm and found it funny. All the drama ended before 10am. We both went back to sleep since we were both so tired. After he threw up once more, he felt fine. My eyes were shut but I was awake. I heard him talking to his housemates and he kept saying Jess and Sammy saved my life! aww sweet time <3 He kept trying to rewind what happened last night, funny stuff came out and shocking stories were told. It felt really warm to sleep next to someone again. Alex is such a gentlemen, even though we were sleeping next to each other, not once did he try to touch me unlike William and Philip who took advantage of this. The same morning, he said I could stay as long as I wanted, and even missing a lecture for this. His housemate Jeffrey came in and saw us two sleeping in the same bed. I think he got really jealous because he didn't make eye contact with me. When he brought in a cup of water, I asked oh wheres mine. He replied you two can both share it. I don't know why I found that funny. After getting ready, I asked do you want to grab lunch, he said yes! I was secretly like YES! He offered to cook me won ton mean! I was like double yes ! Something about guys and cooking , triple YES! We eventually ate Pancakes and Nutella, sweetness in heart <3. We stood in the kitchen and talked and talked. Found out a lot about each other. I left at 2pm since he had quite a few deadlines and work to do.
Overall it was a really funny night, most importantly I made memories with Alex. Truthfully, he is really my type. He's funny, outgoing, handsome, tall, cute and really sweet. Not to mention a real gentlemen, and also he's from Hong Kong as well bbc ! Yes the bbc jokes especially the HK ones <:D Hopefully he could be the one, because I really hope he his. I just feel really comfortable and safe with him. That feeling when I'm shy but at the same time I really want to around him. Even this morning when I woke up, he was the first person I though of. How good it would be to get a message from him. He texted me the same night of the previous day, 27th to thank me for taking care of him. The only downside is he's in Hertfordshire and I'm in Surrey, different universities and 2 hours away by train. Even though our homes aren't that far away. Also, since he is in third year, he sounds really busy with his uni work which is understandable. I mean if its meant to be, its definitely meant to be! I really like him and hopefully he does or eventually feel the same way. Really praying he's the one because I just feel really happy when Im with him. Throughout today I couldn't stop smiling when I daydreamed about him. That warm happy feeling! Thinking about what it would be like if we were dating. Would I get a boyfriend before Christmas or my 20th birthday? Fourth time a charm in 2016? Does he think of me like I do of him ? Is he looking to be in a relationship? Does he like me? Questions like this run through my head. One thing is for sure, to not mess-up this time I'm going to take it really slow, and not confessing my feelings so early. Establishing a good base before moving up a level in the relationship. I really want to bring a boy home where I can introduce as my boyfriend. Alex is defiantly the one but he has to like me as well. As I always say, everything in my life is perfect except my love life. The one thing I can't control because it is down to fate. Just hoping talking about it doesn't jinx it. Next time I see him will most likely be a night out in Christmas, if i can get it to be just us two again or maybe he can come down to Surrey.
Saturday 15 October 2016
life update 15th Oct 2016
So I wanted to write this blog post because for once in these few weeks I've had time to sit down and have some time to myself. Normally on a Friday night I would travel back to my parents home in London and spent my weekend with them. This weekend was slightly different, also night all my housemates were either working or out clubbing, so the house was very quiet. I partied for two nights straight two nights ago; therefore I decided Friday night was time for some personal relaxation at home. During this time, I reflected upon my new life at uni up until now and how I've evolved from my life at UCA last year when I was doing a Foundation. Firstly, I'm so much happier emotionally and physically. Ever since June 2016 my life has practically been perfect, well apart from the Romance and love side which is forever in shambles. I couldn't have wished for a happier me. You could say I feel like Blair Wardolf from Gossip Girl, expect I don't have a Chuck Bass waiting to sweep me off my feet. Instead I have a P who doesn't want to be in a relationship with me and is someone I can't seem to get out my head.
In one of my many confident moments in life at 12am at night, I confessed my feelings to P and hoped for the best. Not knowing what to expect I get a reply a few minutes after saying he's sorry he made me feel this way and he wasn't looking to be in a relationship. He wanted to stay friends and see where that takes us..... So I kept the conversation lighthearted and casual so I replied yeah sure. I didn't know what to expect from the reply. He isn't my ideal type of boyfriend, but maybe because I slept with him and we kissed I somehow developed feelings for him. I've kissed guys before but William and Phillip will always somehow be the ones I have feelings for. Even though I don't think about Alfred and William anymore. Well, we haven't spoken since and its been just over a week so I guess its not happening. I can barely remember what he looks like in person because he looks so much better in person than on camera. Why do most guys never smile on camera?
Well this post wasn't really supposed to be aimed at whats happening in my love life, even though that seems to always be prioritised. I've realised how lucky my life is, being able to be privately educated since nursery and having countless private tutors. Despite when i was a child/ young teenager I hated how busy by life was. After school I would be whisked away to private tutor sessions for English and Maths, Piano lessons on Friday followed by science tutors afterwards. Then private tennis and swimming lessons on the weeks, and during the week at school. Not to mention the Tennis matches during the summer and swimming matches in the winter. All these steps in life have built me to become the person I am today. A much more confident, beautiful, risk taker and successful person. This is something I will defiantly install in my next generation.
Let's also rewind to Thursday night, when I met my best friend for a night out. She is the person who introduced me to this group of friends. Whilst we were talking, I got a bit tipsy from the Vanilla Vokda and somehow poured my heart out about P. Telling her how hard it was to get over him and asking questions about how many girls he has slept with. Which apparently was none, which surprised me. That night P and I slept together was his first and he was sober. Which leads me to question Why me? why did he chose me to be his first one night stand girl? Was it because I was drunk? If he slept me we whats there to say he wouldn't do it with some other girl. P likes very Korean looking girls and I personally don't think I do look this particular style but my friend thinks otherwise. Im not your standard beautiful fit body looking asian girl, so why me Phillip? Why did you kiss me? Was it just in the heat of the moment or was it something else? Guess I will never know... now I need to stop thinking about you...and move on with my life!
Thursday 6 October 2016
Protecting me or pushing me away ?
After that house party, therefore another party in Uni of Hertfordshire, P was going to be there therefore my friends and I attended. On the train I had a gut feeling that it was either going to be another best night or worst one ever. At the start, P didn't really acknowledge me, same at the flat party when I say he was with a group of pretty asian girls; jealousy overcame me and I tried looking away. Then at the house party, he ignored me and kept his distance. This really made me feel frustrated, wanting to get drunk but since I was really cold I kept sobering up. At the end of the night, my friends were relatively drunk and we were waiting to uber home. My friends got in a uber and i was waiting outside with another friend. Not knowing what to do since my friends had left, P immediacy called me a Uber and said i can't stay here. At the time I didn't understand what he meant, did he want me to leave so he could get with other girls. If he could get in bed with me whats stopping him doing the same that night with other girls. As I was waiting for my uber, one of the girls who was really slutty and had a VERY low cut top, walked out and started walking down the road. P chased after her, and disappeared round the corner. After I got in my uber, it also turned the corner. I saw that girl was very drunk and kept swaying as she walked and P was grabbing onto her arm. Again jealousy overcame me and my first instinct was ' he is defiantly getting with her or that Sita girl'. Vowing I would never come to Hertfordshire again or see him again.
A few days later, I realised P called me a Uber and told me I can't stay there was because his group of friends are quite rowdy and I was not safe for me to stay at the house party. I also found out he didn't sleep with any girls. Apparently he is really picky with his girls? Last night he went to party in Herts again, he posted a video on insta showing he was sleeping in a room with his mates, was this his way saying he wasn't sleeping with any girls, after he slept with me ? What does this mean ?
A few days later, I realised P called me a Uber and told me I can't stay there was because his group of friends are quite rowdy and I was not safe for me to stay at the house party. I also found out he didn't sleep with any girls. Apparently he is really picky with his girls? Last night he went to party in Herts again, he posted a video on insta showing he was sleeping in a room with his mates, was this his way saying he wasn't sleeping with any girls, after he slept with me ? What does this mean ?
A heartbreak or new beginning
The title of this post is titled a heartbreak or new beginning because recently it seems my life is like a constant cycle of meeting someone new but then after a short romantic period with him, I develop feelings and then I'm stuck in this position where the other person doesn't feel the same way; we part ways and I can't seem to forget him until I meet some new again.
Recently a close friend of mine invited her group of friends round to my house for a house party. Within that group of friends I met a guy called P. P is a really sweet and considerate guy who was also good looking and tall. Despite being a bit drunk that night, after clubbing P stayed in my room that night. We shared an intimate night with each other. Similar to how I felt with William when I had a summer romance with him a few months ago. The warm feeling of someone sleeping next to you returned again. I never wanted it to end again. Since I develop feelings for someone quite easily, the morning came and I asked myself the same question ( especially in these few weeks) "was it love or a one night stand". I can't say I love him since I don't know much about him, all I can say is I can't stop thinking about him since that night. Again, I find myself stuck in this vicious cycle of falling for someone and not being able to stop thinking about him; until I meet someone else.
Eager to full myself from this heartbreaking cycle, I took my courage and messaged him telling him how I felt. Whether we had something between us or was it a one night stand. I find for guys one night stands are simply for fun, but for girls there is some emotion attached. Somehow when he kissed me, I felt something. His reply to my message was 'he was sorry he made me feel this way, he was not looking to be in a relationship, he wanted to stay friends to see where it would lead us." As a girl, how do I respond! A part of me wished I could be as emotionless as guys were. A simple switch that I could switch off when I didn't want to miss him. Its funny how I don't really know much about P but that one night changed my emotions. Even though, when I was sober I did think P was really cute ! <3 He could have wrote his reply to my message in a much more brutal way, but I think its best for me to not wait for him and to forget him as soon as possible,
To be honest if you asked me whether I wanted P as my boyfriend or not, I don't think he fits all the criteria to be my boyfriend. Firstly, P doesn't go to uni or my uni, therefore I wouldn't know how to explain to my friends and family how I met him. Nor do I want to be honest and say I met him at a party. He's two years older than me and doesn't have what I would consider a stable job. For me, image is very important since I would have to introduce him into my social circles. Family dinners and gatherings with friends, events filled with class, judgement and bitchness. Especially since he would be my first boyfriend, It was vital I do this well and with standards. He would have to fit my parents approval, my family's approval, and my friend's approval.
I have no right to judge a person nor do I like to, but I want to find a man that I will love in a long term relationship and not a short one. Therefore I just feel that since Im not sure about our relationship in the long term, its properly in the best interest we don't date.
I miss him and I want to see him again, but if its the boyfriend card then I'm not 100% sure I can give him that card. I think he feels the same way since he said he's not ready to be a relationship. A heartbreak or a new beginning? It feels like a heartbreak right now since I can't stop thinking about him or stop looking about his social media. Despite this, P is a really good guy and I always dream how nice it would be if he was waiting for me round the corner or outside my house when i came back from uni <3 ! But this is a dream and not reality! Wish I could time travel and replay that night again. That Chanel Cologne that lingered in my bed for two nights, felt like he was sleeping by my side again.
These days I post on instagram's version of snapchat because I know he looks at my story and I want him to. There is a side of my that wants to give him the impression I've 'moved on and living the most exciting life with all my friends', but deep down i'm still Sammy who has many insecurities and just wants someone to share her life with. Someone to create sweet memories with and experience dating. A new beginning ? Would he be the one in the end or is this another heartbreak ! I wish life wasn't so complicated.
Recently a close friend of mine invited her group of friends round to my house for a house party. Within that group of friends I met a guy called P. P is a really sweet and considerate guy who was also good looking and tall. Despite being a bit drunk that night, after clubbing P stayed in my room that night. We shared an intimate night with each other. Similar to how I felt with William when I had a summer romance with him a few months ago. The warm feeling of someone sleeping next to you returned again. I never wanted it to end again. Since I develop feelings for someone quite easily, the morning came and I asked myself the same question ( especially in these few weeks) "was it love or a one night stand". I can't say I love him since I don't know much about him, all I can say is I can't stop thinking about him since that night. Again, I find myself stuck in this vicious cycle of falling for someone and not being able to stop thinking about him; until I meet someone else.
Eager to full myself from this heartbreaking cycle, I took my courage and messaged him telling him how I felt. Whether we had something between us or was it a one night stand. I find for guys one night stands are simply for fun, but for girls there is some emotion attached. Somehow when he kissed me, I felt something. His reply to my message was 'he was sorry he made me feel this way, he was not looking to be in a relationship, he wanted to stay friends to see where it would lead us." As a girl, how do I respond! A part of me wished I could be as emotionless as guys were. A simple switch that I could switch off when I didn't want to miss him. Its funny how I don't really know much about P but that one night changed my emotions. Even though, when I was sober I did think P was really cute ! <3 He could have wrote his reply to my message in a much more brutal way, but I think its best for me to not wait for him and to forget him as soon as possible,
To be honest if you asked me whether I wanted P as my boyfriend or not, I don't think he fits all the criteria to be my boyfriend. Firstly, P doesn't go to uni or my uni, therefore I wouldn't know how to explain to my friends and family how I met him. Nor do I want to be honest and say I met him at a party. He's two years older than me and doesn't have what I would consider a stable job. For me, image is very important since I would have to introduce him into my social circles. Family dinners and gatherings with friends, events filled with class, judgement and bitchness. Especially since he would be my first boyfriend, It was vital I do this well and with standards. He would have to fit my parents approval, my family's approval, and my friend's approval.
I have no right to judge a person nor do I like to, but I want to find a man that I will love in a long term relationship and not a short one. Therefore I just feel that since Im not sure about our relationship in the long term, its properly in the best interest we don't date.
I miss him and I want to see him again, but if its the boyfriend card then I'm not 100% sure I can give him that card. I think he feels the same way since he said he's not ready to be a relationship. A heartbreak or a new beginning? It feels like a heartbreak right now since I can't stop thinking about him or stop looking about his social media. Despite this, P is a really good guy and I always dream how nice it would be if he was waiting for me round the corner or outside my house when i came back from uni <3 ! But this is a dream and not reality! Wish I could time travel and replay that night again. That Chanel Cologne that lingered in my bed for two nights, felt like he was sleeping by my side again.
These days I post on instagram's version of snapchat because I know he looks at my story and I want him to. There is a side of my that wants to give him the impression I've 'moved on and living the most exciting life with all my friends', but deep down i'm still Sammy who has many insecurities and just wants someone to share her life with. Someone to create sweet memories with and experience dating. A new beginning ? Would he be the one in the end or is this another heartbreak ! I wish life wasn't so complicated.
Thursday 8 September 2016
Overdose on Love painkiller
I miss the nights you slept beside me , your warm embrace and the feeling I won you. Even though it was brief, I just miss you so much. Why are we three years apart, I wish reality wasn't so harsh. If I could go back to the days of camp, where reality did not exist. Those two weeks are the happiest weeks I have experienced in many years. Why did u have to mess with my heart and then throw it away! I'm scared I'm going to develop love for you because I can't stop thinking about you. Neither can I stop talking about you infront of my friends. What should I do! The more I try to forget you the more I miss you and want u by my side again! Even if it is just for a few mins again. My heart aches don't you understand. Your cold attitude to me online .. Is it your way of pushing me away! Or was I just a game to you! I don't understand you at all! I hate you but love u ! Can someone give me a love pain killer that I can overdose on so I can forget you emotionally !
Tuesday 6 September 2016
September 6th - Life update
So its been two days since I've officially moved into my new room in the student house I shall be living in for my first year at University. This year has defiantly started much more positive than last year, since I've become more out going and confident with socialising at social events. Last night, a flat party with thrown at halls and with my new attitude of 'trying to embrace everything during first year', I had the best time meeting new people and initiating conversations with other freshers. It amazing how a self introduction can lead to a strong, well rounded conversation with others, as well as leave a positive first impression. With more parties and events lined up for the months to come, hopefully I can make my freshers year a replication of the time I had at camp. New friends, Amazing nights out, Lasting memories and wild stories to tell.
There are still times I think of the previous boys I've had a crush/ relationship with, Y and A most recently. I was watching a short film by Buzzfeedyellow. The first short film i watched was about abusive relationships especially between a lesbian couple. A lesbian couple and straight couple ( both friends) go on a weekend trip together. There was a scene where the straight couple were making out, I couldn't help but remember how Y and I kissed. That short, sweet intimate moment together that I miss. The second short film was acted by the same straight actors, this time the story was about how the girlfriend was previously rapped and she sees the rapist at coffee shop. Her struggle to overcome the incident and move on with life is represented through her expressions. This soon leads to a breakdown in how she is able to interact with others, as well as her male colleges and boyfriend. In the end, she is able to talk about her emotions and put an end to the traumatising rape incident. It really highlights the reality of how it can happen to any girl, and how its important to surround yourself with people that help keep you grounded. I particularly found the scenes where she took the courage to tell her boyfriend of the incident, it shows the strong trust and bond they have for each other. Im writing about these shorts films and not more of my soppy romance stories because I was intrigued at the high level of attention to detail; the director and scriptwriter has put in to make this film realistic and 'close to home'. There was no fairy tale ending or typical Hollywood romantic scenes, just pure reality. I would definitely recommend you watch them as the storyline is very intriguing from the start and raises many questions about the youth society of today.
There are still times I think of the previous boys I've had a crush/ relationship with, Y and A most recently. I was watching a short film by Buzzfeedyellow. The first short film i watched was about abusive relationships especially between a lesbian couple. A lesbian couple and straight couple ( both friends) go on a weekend trip together. There was a scene where the straight couple were making out, I couldn't help but remember how Y and I kissed. That short, sweet intimate moment together that I miss. The second short film was acted by the same straight actors, this time the story was about how the girlfriend was previously rapped and she sees the rapist at coffee shop. Her struggle to overcome the incident and move on with life is represented through her expressions. This soon leads to a breakdown in how she is able to interact with others, as well as her male colleges and boyfriend. In the end, she is able to talk about her emotions and put an end to the traumatising rape incident. It really highlights the reality of how it can happen to any girl, and how its important to surround yourself with people that help keep you grounded. I particularly found the scenes where she took the courage to tell her boyfriend of the incident, it shows the strong trust and bond they have for each other. Im writing about these shorts films and not more of my soppy romance stories because I was intrigued at the high level of attention to detail; the director and scriptwriter has put in to make this film realistic and 'close to home'. There was no fairy tale ending or typical Hollywood romantic scenes, just pure reality. I would definitely recommend you watch them as the storyline is very intriguing from the start and raises many questions about the youth society of today.
Saturday 3 September 2016
Message to Will Yang
I hope you are happy with your girlfriend, I will never forget our short love and time together.
One thing I will never understand is why u got a gf mid- July, camp starts and two weeks later you cheat on your girlfriend with me. Do u really love her? You keep mentioning the existence of your gf, but I see no evidence of this apart from what you tell me! So was my love a game to you! Why did u act the way u did when we sat at the back of the coach together. I wish I could go back in time and relive the moment I put my head on your shoulder and you placed your jumper on me when I felt cold. That is the Y I miss and want. Not the Y, who is distancing me and acting cold to me on Facebook and snapchat! The way u opened your cold personality to me and told me your feelings shows your true personality deep down.
I just hope your lying next to somebody who knows how to love you like me. 再见💋
One thing I will never understand is why u got a gf mid- July, camp starts and two weeks later you cheat on your girlfriend with me. Do u really love her? You keep mentioning the existence of your gf, but I see no evidence of this apart from what you tell me! So was my love a game to you! Why did u act the way u did when we sat at the back of the coach together. I wish I could go back in time and relive the moment I put my head on your shoulder and you placed your jumper on me when I felt cold. That is the Y I miss and want. Not the Y, who is distancing me and acting cold to me on Facebook and snapchat! The way u opened your cold personality to me and told me your feelings shows your true personality deep down.
I just hope your lying next to somebody who knows how to love you like me. 再见💋
Thursday 1 September 2016
梦想 - Dreams
最近常常think of Y, 如果之前有看我去广州的blog post ，就会知道Y 是谁。最近听着 Chainsmokers 的新歌叫 Closer. 让我又think of Y⋯ 我同他之前的开心时光和回忆。
想forget 他，但是…做不到…
只可以在这里写出我的心情！好想又一起看到他，同他一起分享对方的开心和难过的事情，在床上感觉对方的温暖的拥抱！
想forget 他，但是…做不到…
只可以在这里写出我的心情！好想又一起看到他，同他一起分享对方的开心和难过的事情，在床上感觉对方的温暖的拥抱！
现在我之可以继续追逐我时装设计的梦想，而且我希望他学习成功，也同女朋友幸福快乐！你笑的时候真很帅！
Monday 22 August 2016
How to overcome air sickness and travel anxiety !
Since I was around 9 years old, I suddenly became air sick whenever I traveled on planes. My air sickness used to be very severe as a child, especially since the age of two I have had to travel to and from Hong Kong every year as well as other countries, I had no choice. Therefore it was on average two long haul flights consisting of 12 to 14 hours, and two short haul flights every year.
In recently years opportunities in life have resulted me in becoming quite a world traveller with on average having to take 4 to 6 long haul flights. For someone like me who suffers from air sickness and travel anxiety, how do I fly ?
How to control air sickness ?
Firstly, I use the word control rather than stop, because the more you tell yourself "Don't throw up!" Ironic but you are more likely to than not. Secondly be prepared, if I do feel the need to be sick I ALWAYS have multiple sick bags and tissues next to me. Never stop yourself throwing up because this will extend the time you suffer. Honestly, the pressure in your stomach feels so much better once you relive it. I'm so discreet when I throw up, even my friends sitting next to me didn't realise!
Thirdly, Sleep! Sleeping is a major benefit, since it relaxes you and allows your body to regain energy.
A medicine that I have used for two years and I would highly recommend is called Promethazine HCL tablets. It is not used to treat travel sickness but rather hay fever, but it causes drowsiness. I have taken this medicine for four international flights and I have to say, I have never travelled so well in my life! During Christmas 2015, I was scheduled at the last minute to fly from London to Hong Kong. A few days before the flight I was thinking about more serious medication to make the flight more bearable for myself. Therefore I went to my GP and explained my situation, she prescribed me this tablet and it WORKS WONDERS! Honestly, I have travelled more often in recent years is because I have finally found my holy grail! I previously read how other people deal with this sickness and many recommended this tablet.
How to overcome travel anxiety?
Due to the fact I have thrown up countless times, it has caused me to have a lot of anxiety and fear when I'm on the plane. Im not scared of flying, I love heights and the view of the world below. Its just the thought I have to trapped in the same place for 12 hours. I used to fly economy on Cathay Pacific, and hated it since Cathay Pacific plane's have a very distinct smell that makes me what to throw up. Three years ago, since British Airways brought out the A380 premium Economy or world traveller plus as they call it, I religiously travel on this plane. There is no smell, I get more room to be comfortable; which is vital if you get anxious because you don't want to feel confined.
To answer the question of how I overcame this anxiety, firstly BREATHE! Sounds funny but take a deep breath for three seconds and hold for three seconds. Then breathe out for three seconds. Repeat until you feel normal again. Whenever I feel anxious especially the weeks leading up to the flight or even in the airport, once I kept practising this it instantly calmed me now. Secondly, learn how to control your air sickness. Purely by being prepared with a good amount of sickbags ( they provide this on the plane if you need it) and lots of tissues. I currently have a huge stack on them ready for whenever I need to fly long haul flights. Thirdly, is having a good meal before you fly. Feeling full but not over full will calm your mind.
A product I discovered that helped me sleep, is a rose eye mask that warms your eyes for 10 minutes and can be used as an ordinary eye mask afterwards. Its a Japanese brand called Meg rhythm and comes in four different scents. I managed to fall asleep before take off and wake up when it was one hour prior to landing, therefore a good 12 hours of sleep. I didn't feel sick and anxious on that flight. My parents were so shocked when they came to pick me up since I'm normally sick on flights, I look quite tired and exhausted when I step off. After using this it didn't seem like I was on a plane for 14 hours.
In recently years opportunities in life have resulted me in becoming quite a world traveller with on average having to take 4 to 6 long haul flights. For someone like me who suffers from air sickness and travel anxiety, how do I fly ?
How to control air sickness ?
Firstly, I use the word control rather than stop, because the more you tell yourself "Don't throw up!" Ironic but you are more likely to than not. Secondly be prepared, if I do feel the need to be sick I ALWAYS have multiple sick bags and tissues next to me. Never stop yourself throwing up because this will extend the time you suffer. Honestly, the pressure in your stomach feels so much better once you relive it. I'm so discreet when I throw up, even my friends sitting next to me didn't realise!
Thirdly, Sleep! Sleeping is a major benefit, since it relaxes you and allows your body to regain energy.
A medicine that I have used for two years and I would highly recommend is called Promethazine HCL tablets. It is not used to treat travel sickness but rather hay fever, but it causes drowsiness. I have taken this medicine for four international flights and I have to say, I have never travelled so well in my life! During Christmas 2015, I was scheduled at the last minute to fly from London to Hong Kong. A few days before the flight I was thinking about more serious medication to make the flight more bearable for myself. Therefore I went to my GP and explained my situation, she prescribed me this tablet and it WORKS WONDERS! Honestly, I have travelled more often in recent years is because I have finally found my holy grail! I previously read how other people deal with this sickness and many recommended this tablet.
How to overcome travel anxiety?
Due to the fact I have thrown up countless times, it has caused me to have a lot of anxiety and fear when I'm on the plane. Im not scared of flying, I love heights and the view of the world below. Its just the thought I have to trapped in the same place for 12 hours. I used to fly economy on Cathay Pacific, and hated it since Cathay Pacific plane's have a very distinct smell that makes me what to throw up. Three years ago, since British Airways brought out the A380 premium Economy or world traveller plus as they call it, I religiously travel on this plane. There is no smell, I get more room to be comfortable; which is vital if you get anxious because you don't want to feel confined.
To answer the question of how I overcame this anxiety, firstly BREATHE! Sounds funny but take a deep breath for three seconds and hold for three seconds. Then breathe out for three seconds. Repeat until you feel normal again. Whenever I feel anxious especially the weeks leading up to the flight or even in the airport, once I kept practising this it instantly calmed me now. Secondly, learn how to control your air sickness. Purely by being prepared with a good amount of sickbags ( they provide this on the plane if you need it) and lots of tissues. I currently have a huge stack on them ready for whenever I need to fly long haul flights. Thirdly, is having a good meal before you fly. Feeling full but not over full will calm your mind.
A product I discovered that helped me sleep, is a rose eye mask that warms your eyes for 10 minutes and can be used as an ordinary eye mask afterwards. Its a Japanese brand called Meg rhythm and comes in four different scents. I managed to fall asleep before take off and wake up when it was one hour prior to landing, therefore a good 12 hours of sleep. I didn't feel sick and anxious on that flight. My parents were so shocked when they came to pick me up since I'm normally sick on flights, I look quite tired and exhausted when I step off. After using this it didn't seem like I was on a plane for 14 hours.
Hope this posts helps other who are dealing with the same condition as me!
Sunday 21 August 2016
Summer Life update !
I'm currently back in London, after just coming back from a nine day trip to Switzerland with family. Overall summer 2016 has been the best summer I have had to far, purely because I have finally pushed myself in taking a new life adventure and I have definitely accomplished far more than I would ever have dreamed of.
Back in June, my two closest friends and I went on a girls trip to Sunny Malta! First time ever going abroad with friends, therefore prior to this trip I think all three of us were quite worried we would argue or there was going to be a lot of drama. Surprisingly, none of this happened and we had the most amazing trip that we all deserved. We split the day in half, so in the morning we would lounge in the sun or do water sports when the temperature was quite warm but not roasting hot. After lunch we would go out into town and do some sightseeing. This was the perfect balance since back in August 2015 ( Yes we planned this trip for a long time), we wanted to go on a beach holiday rather than a city break since all three of us live in London and city life becomes generic after a while. Despite some of my other friends have told me to never go on holiday with close friends because living together can cause arguments and friction, but after this trip I definitely feel the three of use have become so much closer; as well as understand each other more.
Fast forward to 15th July, where my real life adventure started. I was scheduled to fly to Hong Kong from Heathrow T5 Airport, most crucially BY MYSELF for the very first time! Some people might be reading this and thinking "it not a big deal some kids fly by themselves to go to study abroad at a much younger age". True ! but I get airsickness and anxiety when I travel on planes. This is something I have had to endure and overcome since I was 9 years old. Its only these two years that my anxiety has improved because I have learnt how to control it and how to calm myself down. I might do a blog post on how I control my anxiety but at 19, Im still learning how to overcome this myself.
I pass through immigration at Heathrow T5, and yes I did cry a bit, but overall the flight was relatively smooth and even though I did throw up 5 times, it was a good flight. I stayed in Hong Kong for 4 days before taking a train to Guangzhou. The real reason I flew to Asia.
Guangzhou Camp !
Yes, the main point of this trip half way around the world was to attend a Study abroad camp in Guangzhou, China. Guangzhou is very near Hong Kong and the train ride is only two hours. Despite all my family lives in HK, my dad booked a hotel for me to stay in for 4 days and three nights. It was so much fun staying in a hotel by myself but yes it did get quiet at night, but luckily by friends and family in England and HK are only a WhatsApp away to keep me company. One surprising thing that happened to me in which I have never experienced before was homesickness. The night before I was suppose to take a train to Guangzhou. I got really homesick and was VERY worried about what to expect at camp. Purely because this is my first camp and first time away from home for a few weeks by myself half way around the world. At 4am HK time, I called home and cried for two hours on the phone to my parents. I never get homesick, even at university I never really missed home. The reason I got so upset was because when I arrived in HK, my skin started breaking out REALLY BADLY as in my face was FULL of acne. My skin looked red and was painful to touch. Also, I was really worried about whether or not I would make friends. If I didn't enjoy it do I have enough money in my bank account to buy a ticket back to London etc. All these thoughts including jet lag and lack of sleep caused me to overthink. Which is something I do quite often especially at night, Overthink !
Looking back at it now, I feel so silly because camp was the BEST TWO WEEKS I have ever had. I met a group of friends from around the wold, Canadians, Italians, Americans, Morocco, Medians and Brits. From the first day, we all got to know each really well and made memories that I will cherish eternally. Honestly, the coolest and most down to earth people that you will ever meet ! Every night all of us ( around 20+ people), would sit in one for the bigger rooms and bond. With the lack of wifi and connection with the outside world, since every thing in China is blocked!
The Truth or dare game kept us entertained, our dare games were lethal and truth questions were shocking! I could write forever about our memories and banter but a real highlight in which I have to mention is something along the lines of camp romance. It is what the name implies, meeting someone at camp but only have a thing during camp. It feels brutal once camp ends but thats life, I know because I am experiencing the aftermath right now. Within the England team I met a guy called Y ( not going to disclose his real name), We were friends during the first half of camp but I didn't really know him very well. My first impression of him was literally " wow this guy is blunt", resting bitch face if he didn't smile and generally quite a cold,serious person, definitely not someone you want to get in a heated debate with. Soon he opened up and he was really a relaxed, funny person, a complete opposite to my first impression. During camp, there were three odd days in which the camp took us to Guangzhou and Shenzhen for sightseeing. It wasn't until the second day of the trips in which we became more close since we sat next to each other at the back of the coach.
The second day of trips was to Shenzhen, a two hour coach ride from our university. Since it was 8am in the morning we were all relatively tired. So Y asked me if he could sleep on my shoulder, obviously I said yes but the funny thing was Y is nearly 6 foot tall and I'm 5ft4. Yes height difference! My shoulder was not tall enough for him to be comfortable therefore we switched and I put my head on his shoulder. The next part of the story is something I find really sweet, which is he felt my leg and it was cold so he got his jumper and put on me. After a heartbreaking incident with someone at Uni last term, I felt really warm :) So then we both got really close and snuggled at the backseat of the coach. I did not want this moment to end. Generally at night the whole group would hang out and have fun sometimes in room 202 and my room as well room 206. The events that happened at night are only between me and Y to know, therefore I won't write about them. Despite this, Y will always be the most gentlemen and sweetest guy I know. Our relationship is just 'having good feelings towards each other, and not boyfriend/girlfriend'. I will admit if Y and I were the same age, yes I would date him. Apart from age, reality also stops us being together because of the people at home in England. We both agreed this relationship would only last in camp. The 4 nights we spent together and the last night of camp are nights I will always remember ....! So fast forward to the last morning of camp, in which is the saddest part to this story. We all stayed for majority of the night to say goodbye to people leaving very early in the morning. When it was my turn to go at 9am, I nearly cried for two reasons, I don't want to leave the amazing people I met and secondly it was the last time I would see Y. I just remember that morning after the group hug in the lobby I could not stop looking at Y, even in the car as it drove away from the building Y was standing outside with everyone else waving goodbye to me, and I ....kept looking in his direction from the back window. Even though everyone is on social media, but talking online to different to spending time with someone in person. Therefore it was a harsh moment to bare, but its also a fact you have a face. Even though we don't live far from each other, but the distance is still far itself.
Currently my life seems like the Charlie Puth ft Selena Gomez song - we don't talk anymore ! Typing it in a post is my way of confessing my feelings but I would never tell Y in person, purely because I don't want this is affect our friendship and I'm worried he will step back.
Aside from this soppy romance, all of us have each other on Facebook, snapchat etc. derpy photos of us have been posted everywhere on Facebook. Our photo dump group page is what I look at whenever I'm in a sad/bad mood because the photos are too funny for life! It also brings back good memories.
I took a train from Guangzhou to Hong Kong on August 3rd, Y was also supposed to go to Hong Kong for a few days but got cancelled last min due to family:( Could have showed him around my hometown that I love so much. The same night I took a plane from Hong Kong back to London Heathrow T5. Then only stayed in London for less than 48hrs before I flew to Switzerland with my family.
Overall, a every busy summer! Do I still think about Y, Yes! But time will fade everything and with University starting again soon I will meet more amazing people and start a new chapter in my life.
Typing this post because Im trying to avoid this summer project I have to do for first year!
Back in June, my two closest friends and I went on a girls trip to Sunny Malta! First time ever going abroad with friends, therefore prior to this trip I think all three of us were quite worried we would argue or there was going to be a lot of drama. Surprisingly, none of this happened and we had the most amazing trip that we all deserved. We split the day in half, so in the morning we would lounge in the sun or do water sports when the temperature was quite warm but not roasting hot. After lunch we would go out into town and do some sightseeing. This was the perfect balance since back in August 2015 ( Yes we planned this trip for a long time), we wanted to go on a beach holiday rather than a city break since all three of us live in London and city life becomes generic after a while. Despite some of my other friends have told me to never go on holiday with close friends because living together can cause arguments and friction, but after this trip I definitely feel the three of use have become so much closer; as well as understand each other more.
Fast forward to 15th July, where my real life adventure started. I was scheduled to fly to Hong Kong from Heathrow T5 Airport, most crucially BY MYSELF for the very first time! Some people might be reading this and thinking "it not a big deal some kids fly by themselves to go to study abroad at a much younger age". True ! but I get airsickness and anxiety when I travel on planes. This is something I have had to endure and overcome since I was 9 years old. Its only these two years that my anxiety has improved because I have learnt how to control it and how to calm myself down. I might do a blog post on how I control my anxiety but at 19, Im still learning how to overcome this myself.
I pass through immigration at Heathrow T5, and yes I did cry a bit, but overall the flight was relatively smooth and even though I did throw up 5 times, it was a good flight. I stayed in Hong Kong for 4 days before taking a train to Guangzhou. The real reason I flew to Asia.
Guangzhou Camp !
Yes, the main point of this trip half way around the world was to attend a Study abroad camp in Guangzhou, China. Guangzhou is very near Hong Kong and the train ride is only two hours. Despite all my family lives in HK, my dad booked a hotel for me to stay in for 4 days and three nights. It was so much fun staying in a hotel by myself but yes it did get quiet at night, but luckily by friends and family in England and HK are only a WhatsApp away to keep me company. One surprising thing that happened to me in which I have never experienced before was homesickness. The night before I was suppose to take a train to Guangzhou. I got really homesick and was VERY worried about what to expect at camp. Purely because this is my first camp and first time away from home for a few weeks by myself half way around the world. At 4am HK time, I called home and cried for two hours on the phone to my parents. I never get homesick, even at university I never really missed home. The reason I got so upset was because when I arrived in HK, my skin started breaking out REALLY BADLY as in my face was FULL of acne. My skin looked red and was painful to touch. Also, I was really worried about whether or not I would make friends. If I didn't enjoy it do I have enough money in my bank account to buy a ticket back to London etc. All these thoughts including jet lag and lack of sleep caused me to overthink. Which is something I do quite often especially at night, Overthink !
Looking back at it now, I feel so silly because camp was the BEST TWO WEEKS I have ever had. I met a group of friends from around the wold, Canadians, Italians, Americans, Morocco, Medians and Brits. From the first day, we all got to know each really well and made memories that I will cherish eternally. Honestly, the coolest and most down to earth people that you will ever meet ! Every night all of us ( around 20+ people), would sit in one for the bigger rooms and bond. With the lack of wifi and connection with the outside world, since every thing in China is blocked!
The Truth or dare game kept us entertained, our dare games were lethal and truth questions were shocking! I could write forever about our memories and banter but a real highlight in which I have to mention is something along the lines of camp romance. It is what the name implies, meeting someone at camp but only have a thing during camp. It feels brutal once camp ends but thats life, I know because I am experiencing the aftermath right now. Within the England team I met a guy called Y ( not going to disclose his real name), We were friends during the first half of camp but I didn't really know him very well. My first impression of him was literally " wow this guy is blunt", resting bitch face if he didn't smile and generally quite a cold,serious person, definitely not someone you want to get in a heated debate with. Soon he opened up and he was really a relaxed, funny person, a complete opposite to my first impression. During camp, there were three odd days in which the camp took us to Guangzhou and Shenzhen for sightseeing. It wasn't until the second day of the trips in which we became more close since we sat next to each other at the back of the coach.
The second day of trips was to Shenzhen, a two hour coach ride from our university. Since it was 8am in the morning we were all relatively tired. So Y asked me if he could sleep on my shoulder, obviously I said yes but the funny thing was Y is nearly 6 foot tall and I'm 5ft4. Yes height difference! My shoulder was not tall enough for him to be comfortable therefore we switched and I put my head on his shoulder. The next part of the story is something I find really sweet, which is he felt my leg and it was cold so he got his jumper and put on me. After a heartbreaking incident with someone at Uni last term, I felt really warm :) So then we both got really close and snuggled at the backseat of the coach. I did not want this moment to end. Generally at night the whole group would hang out and have fun sometimes in room 202 and my room as well room 206. The events that happened at night are only between me and Y to know, therefore I won't write about them. Despite this, Y will always be the most gentlemen and sweetest guy I know. Our relationship is just 'having good feelings towards each other, and not boyfriend/girlfriend'. I will admit if Y and I were the same age, yes I would date him. Apart from age, reality also stops us being together because of the people at home in England. We both agreed this relationship would only last in camp. The 4 nights we spent together and the last night of camp are nights I will always remember ....! So fast forward to the last morning of camp, in which is the saddest part to this story. We all stayed for majority of the night to say goodbye to people leaving very early in the morning. When it was my turn to go at 9am, I nearly cried for two reasons, I don't want to leave the amazing people I met and secondly it was the last time I would see Y. I just remember that morning after the group hug in the lobby I could not stop looking at Y, even in the car as it drove away from the building Y was standing outside with everyone else waving goodbye to me, and I ....kept looking in his direction from the back window. Even though everyone is on social media, but talking online to different to spending time with someone in person. Therefore it was a harsh moment to bare, but its also a fact you have a face. Even though we don't live far from each other, but the distance is still far itself.
Currently my life seems like the Charlie Puth ft Selena Gomez song - we don't talk anymore ! Typing it in a post is my way of confessing my feelings but I would never tell Y in person, purely because I don't want this is affect our friendship and I'm worried he will step back.
Aside from this soppy romance, all of us have each other on Facebook, snapchat etc. derpy photos of us have been posted everywhere on Facebook. Our photo dump group page is what I look at whenever I'm in a sad/bad mood because the photos are too funny for life! It also brings back good memories.
I took a train from Guangzhou to Hong Kong on August 3rd, Y was also supposed to go to Hong Kong for a few days but got cancelled last min due to family:( Could have showed him around my hometown that I love so much. The same night I took a plane from Hong Kong back to London Heathrow T5. Then only stayed in London for less than 48hrs before I flew to Switzerland with my family.
Overall, a every busy summer! Do I still think about Y, Yes! But time will fade everything and with University starting again soon I will meet more amazing people and start a new chapter in my life.
Typing this post because Im trying to avoid this summer project I have to do for first year!
Saturday 4 June 2016
这个选择是对吗？
每次想念你都想见到你！
但是见到你的时候，不知道应该说什么…
大家看到对方的时也会当对方是透明的…
但心里我其实很想起你
如果我放手大家可以幸福吗？
但是见到你的时候，不知道应该说什么…
大家看到对方的时也会当对方是透明的…
但心里我其实很想起你
如果我放手大家可以幸福吗？
几个月后看到你的时候事情又会怎样？
Wednesday 1 June 2016
A Christmas Trip to Taipei 2015 !
We stayed at the Shangri-la Hotel in Taipei, its quite far from the city centre but the view and facilities was worth it!
The morning view
The dumplings are a MUST HAVE, especially at this restaurant called Ding Tai Fung !
In the Lobby of our hotel - Shangri-la Hotel
Taken on the flight from Taipei back to Hong Kong
No filter applied this is seriously what the sunset looked like !!
We flew to Taipei for a family Christmas holiday for a few days. The food was AMAZING as usual since this is the second time I have been there, but since it was December the temperature was SO MUCH COLDER than Hong Kong. Despite this, I live in London so I am used to the freezing temperatures especially during the Winter months. The Night Markets in Taipei are a must go to since the street food is so cheap and tasty, you can find a lot of local snacks there and the atmosphere is so lively.
Tuesday 31 May 2016
when the view at night is on point !
Taipei (Taiwan)
My second home and favourite city - Hong Kong
All photos are taken by me
Monday 30 May 2016
只是朋友吗？
我认为最漂亮的风景是香港的夜景，每次去一个地方或国家都会想去看夜景. 我也会想同身边最亲和爱的人一起欣赏. 我份人很喜欢浪漫, 好想做韩国电视剧中的女主角！
，你们可能觉得得我很着迷；我有时也会觉得！但是我希望下一次去欣赏一个成市的夜景的时候，会同男朋友一起！我觉得可以同心爱的人一起分享快乐是一个luxury. Time is love! 最近遇到一个男仔 …但是我的好朋友告诉我；他只是想同我做朋友…。每次在大学图书馆看到他会很开心，但是也会很紧张! 不知道应该跟他说什么但是很想了解他深一层。
到底真实的你是怎么样的！
我有时会問自己为什么我会对你有好感觉？
七月中我会飞回香港,有缘無份的我们有机会看到對方吗？如果会我会跟你说什么？你会跟我一起 浪浪漫漫地看夜景吗？你会跟我一起食饭吗？我不开心的时候你会在我身边吗？我当然希望你会。但是 reality is harsh and brutal , 所以我觉得有缘無份！我觉得你很师也很可爱！他又做 model , 很有confidence and charisma 的你…每次看到你我很开心，你是为一个人可以让我大笑或者大哭的人！有一次在四月中deadline 前两个星期，我在library 工作中，在早上十一点开始工作到晚上六点，你也一样有deadline 所以工作很晚，到了五点半你所有朋友都离开，但是你继续留在！我坐在我前面，一抬起我的头会看到你…在这个时候我应该开心还是不开心！感觉好次你在我身边跟我一起努力工作！感觉很浪漫好sweet! 不知道我在你心目中你怎样的女人，是一个好的良好形象吗？会不会留在你身边吗？如果不会…我只可以跟你说再见……！虽然在这几个月我很努力忘记你，但是我做不到。我每天会想起你，很想念你!
记得上课第一天有个男仔冲进来课室，第一眼看到觉得他很可爱和师！但是结果他是进错教室了..... ! 感觉难过的我己为好𣶶有个师哥同我同班！之后在Facebook 看到我们有 mutual friends 同我同课所以在Facebook add 他！在大学常常见到他，但是大家不认识对方。之后同朋友做个交易, 因为我们都有喜欢的男仔但是太 shy 去 say hi ! 过了几个月之后，我认为她已经忘记这个事倩，但是她沒有！早上两点 message 我说她同 person J 在 snapchat 聊天几个小时了，所以 I have to hold my side of the bet and ... Message 我的 person A ! 当时是二月十五号，情人节的第二天！
到底我们可能做到男女朋友或者只是朋友…我不知道之可以在我的blog 写我的心情，现在是五月三十一号，早上的两点！不知道看到这个blog post 会有什么的反应! 觉得我很疯狂和愚蠢吗？希望你们不会！
再见！
Are we just friends ? This is just a story that happened and is still happening in my life, I wanted to write my thoughts and share it as a story.
Thursday 12 May 2016
London's Best Hidden Places ! Best places for pictures
As a Londoner myself, I love exploring and finding new trendy restaurants and places to chill with friends.
So here are a few places that I would recommend ( Even though somplaces are outside of London, in Surrey ) , especially if you see a less touristy side of London!
( Even though some places are outside of London, in Surrey )
Mayfield Lavender Farm - North Surrey Downs
Kingly Court - Carnaby
Forest On The Roof - Selfridges ( Top Floor)
Grosvenor Square- Mayfair
Epsom Downs Racehorse - ( can see the view of central London)
Hyde Park - ( View of the London Eye and the Shard)
Hyde Park
Whoevers house this is > Im Jealous
Marylebone Park
Regent Street - London at night
Sammy xx
Regent Street - London at night
Sammy xx
Monday 9 May 2016
Night time Skincare Routine for Acne/ Oily Skin !
For my Night time routine I like to use more high end products, since this is the time your skin cells rejuvenates itself whilst you sleep! Hence BEAUTY SLEEP !
First Cleanser: Cleansing Oil
Cleansing Oil has become very popular within the recent years, and I can defiantly see why. Using an oil cleanser to take off your makeup is the most efficient way of ensuring all your makeup is throughly removed without drying or damaging your skin.
My favourite oil cleanser is the Body shop Camcamomile cleansing oil, For people with Oily/ Combination ( like me ), this cleansing oil is perfect because it hydrates my skin without leaving a greasy residue. Works very well with removing my base and eye makeup. In conjunction with the oil cleanser I use the Clinique 'Take the day off' cleansing cloth, to ensure all makeup is throughly removed. I find my skin is extra clean, since I started using these the cloth with the cleanser.
Second cleanser:
Neutrogena Pink Grapefruit Cleansing cream wash / Garner Skin Naturals Pure Active Intensive Charcoal Scrub
If you have read my morning routine post, you will know I also use the cleansing cream in the morning as well, on normal days it works well as a night time cleanser as well. Its gentle, non drying formula is perfect for night time.
Twice a week on days when I don't do a clay mask, I would use the Garnier charcoal scrub. It works very efficiently in cleansing deep into my pores.
I would use this in conjunction with this fish shape exfoliator, with the concept of the very popular 'Clarisonic'. It is a exfoliating cleansing brush, its brittles are SO SOFT ! Therefore if you accidentally scrub your skin too hard along with the cleanser, you won't damage your skin !
I got this brush from my local SASA in Hong Kong! So cheap but very effective !
Toner: Garnier Pure Micellar Cleansing water
This is the only product from my routine, I would not repurchase since it is very effective as a third step in ensuring all the makeup and dirt is removed from my skin, but is has quite a drying formula. Not very hydrating. How would use it is, I would put some onto a cotton pad and swipe it on my skin.
Serum:
Estee Lauder Advanced Night Repair Serum / Estee Lauder Clear difference Advanced Blemish Serum
These two products is my most expensive skincare products, but it works AMAZINGLY WELL !
Serums is the only product I would splurge my money on, since its texture is thin enough to repair skin cells deep within the skin. I can never fully explain how AMAZING these two serums are, it has LITERALLY IMPROVED my skin SOOOO much within the past year !
I would use the Clear difference Blemish Serum on days when my skin is breaking out, and I would use the Advanced Night repair on nights when I have a special even to attend to the next day and I want my skin to glow, or if I'm seeing someone special !
The Advance Night repair is Estee Lauder's BEST SELLER and I can definitely see why, it has DEFINITELY reduced the appearance of my acne scars as well as the texture of my skin!
A little goes a long way, so I would only use one or two drops a night.
Moisturiser:
Avene Hydrance Optimale Light Hydrating Cream
Avene is my favourite drugstore Skincare brand
This moisturiser is SOOO hydrating but at the same time NON- GREASY ! It works very well as a final layer in my skincare routine. I have defiantly seen a difference in my skin since using this, as it has become more hydrated and softer. I use the light version as a night time moisturiser since the rich version's texture would be too heavy for my oily skin.
Sheet Masks / Clay Masks
On nights when I have been wearing makeup for a long period of time or I have a special event to attend the next day I would put on a mask.
Sheet Masks:
I would use these instead of serum, therefore after I apply my toner. Then I would apply moisturiser afterwards to seal in the moisture. My favourite brands as 'My beauty diary ' and Etude House Sheet masks.
My Top three picks:
This 'My Beauty Diary' Apple Polyphenol Mask is an oil control and pore constringing sheet mask. Works amazing well at controlling my oil levels the next day, as well as healing my blemishes.
A MUST BUY FOR ACNE- PRONE SKIN !
This Etude House sheet mask has the same formula as the toner I use in the morning, A very hydrating but Non- greasy formula, perfect for nights when your skin feels very dry.
Non - greasy therefore perfect for oily/ Combination skin types
Clay Masks :
Estee Lauder Clear Difference Purifying Exfoliating Mask
It's another high end skincare product, but again WORKS AMAZING WELL!
DEFINTLY WORTH THE MONEY !
This clay mask very effectively draws out all the dirt and oil deep within the pores. My skin INSTANTLY clears up after I wash this off. I leave it on my cleansed skin for 5 mins, then wash off with lukewarm water.
Instantly the discolouration on my skin is balanced out, the spots on my skin are reduced / gone. Overall my skin is improved within minutes! Seriously a MUST BUY ITEM !
When I first bought this I was sceptical about paying so much money and only leaving it on for a short period of time, so I left it on for half an hour ( Like other clay masks), and it didn't do anything for my skin.
Recently, I have reused the product and I followed precisely as the instructions said, leaving it on for ONLY 5 MINUTES! AMAZING RESULTS ! My pores are cleared and cleaned!
Its also an exfoliating mask therefore I would wet my hands with water after the 5 minutes and exfoliate my skin gently. It really does clean my skin efficiently.
Will defiantly repurchase this product !
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)