life update 15th Oct 2016

So I wanted to write this blog post because for once in these few weeks I've had time to sit down and have some time to myself. Normally on a Friday night I would travel back to my parents home in London and spent my weekend with them. This weekend was slightly different, also night all my housemates were either working or out clubbing, so the house was very quiet. I partied for two nights straight two nights ago; therefore I decided Friday night was time for some personal relaxation at home. During this time, I reflected upon my new life at uni up until now and how I've evolved from my life at UCA last year when I was doing a Foundation. Firstly, I'm so much happier emotionally and physically. Ever since June 2016 my life has practically been perfect, well apart from the Romance and love side which is forever in shambles. I couldn't have wished for a happier me. You could say I feel like Blair Wardolf from Gossip Girl, expect I don't have a Chuck Bass waiting to sweep me off my feet. Instead I have a P who doesn't want to be in a relationship with me and is someone I can't seem to get out my head. 

In one of my many confident moments in life at 12am at night, I confessed my feelings to P and hoped for the best. Not knowing what to expect I get a reply a few minutes after saying he's sorry he made me feel this way and he wasn't looking to be in a relationship. He wanted to stay friends and see where that takes us..... So I kept the conversation lighthearted and casual so I replied yeah sure. I didn't know what to expect from the reply. He isn't my ideal type of boyfriend, but maybe because I slept with him and we kissed I somehow developed feelings for him. I've kissed guys before but William and Phillip will always somehow be the ones I have feelings for. Even though I don't think about Alfred and William anymore. Well, we haven't spoken since and its been just over a week so I guess its not happening. I can barely remember what he looks like in person because he looks so much better in person than on camera. Why do most guys never smile on camera? 

Well this post wasn't really supposed to be aimed at whats happening in my love life, even though that seems to always be prioritised. I've realised how lucky my life is, being able to be privately educated since nursery and having countless private tutors. Despite when i was a child/ young teenager I hated how busy by life was. After school I would be whisked away to private tutor sessions for English and Maths, Piano lessons on Friday followed by science tutors afterwards. Then private tennis and swimming lessons on the weeks, and during the week at school. Not to mention the Tennis matches during the summer and swimming matches in the winter. All these steps in life have built me to become the person I am today. A much more confident, beautiful, risk taker and successful person. This is something I will defiantly install in my next generation. 

Let's also rewind to Thursday night, when I met my best friend for a night out. She is the person who introduced me to this group of friends. Whilst we were talking, I got a bit tipsy from the Vanilla Vokda and somehow poured my heart out about P. Telling her how hard it was to get over him and asking questions about how many girls he has slept with. Which apparently was none, which surprised me. That night P and I slept together was his first and he was sober. Which leads me to question Why me? why did he chose me to be his first one night stand girl? Was it because I was drunk? If he slept me we whats there to say he wouldn't do it with some other girl. P likes very Korean looking girls and I personally don't think I do look this particular style but my friend thinks otherwise. Im not your standard beautiful fit body looking asian girl, so why me Phillip? Why did you kiss me? Was it just in the heat of the moment or was it something else? Guess I will never know... now I need to stop thinking about you...and move on with my life!