The title of this post is titled a heartbreak or new beginning because recently it seems my life is like a constant cycle of meeting someone new but then after a short romantic period with him, I develop feelings and then I'm stuck in this position where the other person doesn't feel the same way; we part ways and I can't seem to forget him until I meet some new again.
Recently a close friend of mine invited her group of friends round to my house for a house party. Within that group of friends I met a guy called P. P is a really sweet and considerate guy who was also good looking and tall. Despite being a bit drunk that night, after clubbing P stayed in my room that night. We shared an intimate night with each other. Similar to how I felt with William when I had a summer romance with him a few months ago. The warm feeling of someone sleeping next to you returned again. I never wanted it to end again. Since I develop feelings for someone quite easily, the morning came and I asked myself the same question ( especially in these few weeks) "was it love or a one night stand". I can't say I love him since I don't know much about him, all I can say is I can't stop thinking about him since that night. Again, I find myself stuck in this vicious cycle of falling for someone and not being able to stop thinking about him; until I meet someone else.
Eager to full myself from this heartbreaking cycle, I took my courage and messaged him telling him how I felt. Whether we had something between us or was it a one night stand. I find for guys one night stands are simply for fun, but for girls there is some emotion attached. Somehow when he kissed me, I felt something. His reply to my message was 'he was sorry he made me feel this way, he was not looking to be in a relationship, he wanted to stay friends to see where it would lead us." As a girl, how do I respond! A part of me wished I could be as emotionless as guys were. A simple switch that I could switch off when I didn't want to miss him. Its funny how I don't really know much about P but that one night changed my emotions. Even though, when I was sober I did think P was really cute ! <3 He could have wrote his reply to my message in a much more brutal way, but I think its best for me to not wait for him and to forget him as soon as possible,
To be honest if you asked me whether I wanted P as my boyfriend or not, I don't think he fits all the criteria to be my boyfriend. Firstly, P doesn't go to uni or my uni, therefore I wouldn't know how to explain to my friends and family how I met him. Nor do I want to be honest and say I met him at a party. He's two years older than me and doesn't have what I would consider a stable job. For me, image is very important since I would have to introduce him into my social circles. Family dinners and gatherings with friends, events filled with class, judgement and bitchness. Especially since he would be my first boyfriend, It was vital I do this well and with standards. He would have to fit my parents approval, my family's approval, and my friend's approval.
I have no right to judge a person nor do I like to, but I want to find a man that I will love in a long term relationship and not a short one. Therefore I just feel that since Im not sure about our relationship in the long term, its properly in the best interest we don't date.
I miss him and I want to see him again, but if its the boyfriend card then I'm not 100% sure I can give him that card. I think he feels the same way since he said he's not ready to be a relationship. A heartbreak or a new beginning? It feels like a heartbreak right now since I can't stop thinking about him or stop looking about his social media. Despite this, P is a really good guy and I always dream how nice it would be if he was waiting for me round the corner or outside my house when i came back from uni <3 ! But this is a dream and not reality! Wish I could time travel and replay that night again. That Chanel Cologne that lingered in my bed for two nights, felt like he was sleeping by my side again.
These days I post on instagram's version of snapchat because I know he looks at my story and I want him to. There is a side of my that wants to give him the impression I've 'moved on and living the most exciting life with all my friends', but deep down i'm still Sammy who has many insecurities and just wants someone to share her life with. Someone to create sweet memories with and experience dating. A new beginning ? Would he be the one in the end or is this another heartbreak ! I wish life wasn't so complicated.
Thursday, 6 October 2016
Thursday, 8 September 2016
Overdose on Love painkiller
I miss the nights you slept beside me , your warm embrace and the feeling I won you. Even though it was brief, I just miss you so much. Why are we three years apart, I wish reality wasn't so harsh. If I could go back to the days of camp, where reality did not exist. Those two weeks are the happiest weeks I have experienced in many years. Why did u have to mess with my heart and then throw it away! I'm scared I'm going to develop love for you because I can't stop thinking about you. Neither can I stop talking about you infront of my friends. What should I do! The more I try to forget you the more I miss you and want u by my side again! Even if it is just for a few mins again. My heart aches don't you understand. Your cold attitude to me online .. Is it your way of pushing me away! Or was I just a game to you! I don't understand you at all! I hate you but love u ! Can someone give me a love pain killer that I can overdose on so I can forget you emotionally !
Tuesday, 6 September 2016
September 6th - Life update
So its been two days since I've officially moved into my new room in the student house I shall be living in for my first year at University. This year has defiantly started much more positive than last year, since I've become more out going and confident with socialising at social events. Last night, a flat party with thrown at halls and with my new attitude of 'trying to embrace everything during first year', I had the best time meeting new people and initiating conversations with other freshers. It amazing how a self introduction can lead to a strong, well rounded conversation with others, as well as leave a positive first impression. With more parties and events lined up for the months to come, hopefully I can make my freshers year a replication of the time I had at camp. New friends, Amazing nights out, Lasting memories and wild stories to tell.
There are still times I think of the previous boys I've had a crush/ relationship with, Y and A most recently. I was watching a short film by Buzzfeedyellow. The first short film i watched was about abusive relationships especially between a lesbian couple. A lesbian couple and straight couple ( both friends) go on a weekend trip together. There was a scene where the straight couple were making out, I couldn't help but remember how Y and I kissed. That short, sweet intimate moment together that I miss. The second short film was acted by the same straight actors, this time the story was about how the girlfriend was previously rapped and she sees the rapist at coffee shop. Her struggle to overcome the incident and move on with life is represented through her expressions. This soon leads to a breakdown in how she is able to interact with others, as well as her male colleges and boyfriend. In the end, she is able to talk about her emotions and put an end to the traumatising rape incident. It really highlights the reality of how it can happen to any girl, and how its important to surround yourself with people that help keep you grounded. I particularly found the scenes where she took the courage to tell her boyfriend of the incident, it shows the strong trust and bond they have for each other. Im writing about these shorts films and not more of my soppy romance stories because I was intrigued at the high level of attention to detail; the director and scriptwriter has put in to make this film realistic and 'close to home'. There was no fairy tale ending or typical Hollywood romantic scenes, just pure reality. I would definitely recommend you watch them as the storyline is very intriguing from the start and raises many questions about the youth society of today.
There are still times I think of the previous boys I've had a crush/ relationship with, Y and A most recently. I was watching a short film by Buzzfeedyellow. The first short film i watched was about abusive relationships especially between a lesbian couple. A lesbian couple and straight couple ( both friends) go on a weekend trip together. There was a scene where the straight couple were making out, I couldn't help but remember how Y and I kissed. That short, sweet intimate moment together that I miss. The second short film was acted by the same straight actors, this time the story was about how the girlfriend was previously rapped and she sees the rapist at coffee shop. Her struggle to overcome the incident and move on with life is represented through her expressions. This soon leads to a breakdown in how she is able to interact with others, as well as her male colleges and boyfriend. In the end, she is able to talk about her emotions and put an end to the traumatising rape incident. It really highlights the reality of how it can happen to any girl, and how its important to surround yourself with people that help keep you grounded. I particularly found the scenes where she took the courage to tell her boyfriend of the incident, it shows the strong trust and bond they have for each other. Im writing about these shorts films and not more of my soppy romance stories because I was intrigued at the high level of attention to detail; the director and scriptwriter has put in to make this film realistic and 'close to home'. There was no fairy tale ending or typical Hollywood romantic scenes, just pure reality. I would definitely recommend you watch them as the storyline is very intriguing from the start and raises many questions about the youth society of today.
Saturday, 3 September 2016
Message to Will Yang
I hope you are happy with your girlfriend, I will never forget our short love and time together.
One thing I will never understand is why u got a gf mid- July, camp starts and two weeks later you cheat on your girlfriend with me. Do u really love her? You keep mentioning the existence of your gf, but I see no evidence of this apart from what you tell me! So was my love a game to you! Why did u act the way u did when we sat at the back of the coach together. I wish I could go back in time and relive the moment I put my head on your shoulder and you placed your jumper on me when I felt cold. That is the Y I miss and want. Not the Y, who is distancing me and acting cold to me on Facebook and snapchat! The way u opened your cold personality to me and told me your feelings shows your true personality deep down.
I just hope your lying next to somebody who knows how to love you like me. 再见💋
One thing I will never understand is why u got a gf mid- July, camp starts and two weeks later you cheat on your girlfriend with me. Do u really love her? You keep mentioning the existence of your gf, but I see no evidence of this apart from what you tell me! So was my love a game to you! Why did u act the way u did when we sat at the back of the coach together. I wish I could go back in time and relive the moment I put my head on your shoulder and you placed your jumper on me when I felt cold. That is the Y I miss and want. Not the Y, who is distancing me and acting cold to me on Facebook and snapchat! The way u opened your cold personality to me and told me your feelings shows your true personality deep down.
I just hope your lying next to somebody who knows how to love you like me. 再见💋
Thursday, 1 September 2016
梦想 - Dreams
最近常常think of Y, 如果之前有看我去广州的blog post ，就会知道Y 是谁。最近听着 Chainsmokers 的新歌叫 Closer. 让我又think of Y⋯ 我同他之前的开心时光和回忆。
想forget 他，但是…做不到…
只可以在这里写出我的心情！好想又一起看到他，同他一起分享对方的开心和难过的事情，在床上感觉对方的温暖的拥抱！
想forget 他，但是…做不到…
只可以在这里写出我的心情！好想又一起看到他，同他一起分享对方的开心和难过的事情，在床上感觉对方的温暖的拥抱！
现在我之可以继续追逐我时装设计的梦想，而且我希望他学习成功，也同女朋友幸福快乐！你笑的时候真很帅！
Monday, 22 August 2016
How to overcome air sickness and travel anxiety !
Since I was around 9 years old, I suddenly became air sick whenever I traveled on planes. My air sickness used to be very severe as a child, especially since the age of two I have had to travel to and from Hong Kong every year as well as other countries, I had no choice. Therefore it was on average two long haul flights consisting of 12 to 14 hours, and two short haul flights every year.
In recently years opportunities in life have resulted me in becoming quite a world traveller with on average having to take 4 to 6 long haul flights. For someone like me who suffers from air sickness and travel anxiety, how do I fly ?
How to control air sickness ?
Firstly, I use the word control rather than stop, because the more you tell yourself "Don't throw up!" Ironic but you are more likely to than not. Secondly be prepared, if I do feel the need to be sick I ALWAYS have multiple sick bags and tissues next to me. Never stop yourself throwing up because this will extend the time you suffer. Honestly, the pressure in your stomach feels so much better once you relive it. I'm so discreet when I throw up, even my friends sitting next to me didn't realise!
Thirdly, Sleep! Sleeping is a major benefit, since it relaxes you and allows your body to regain energy.
A medicine that I have used for two years and I would highly recommend is called Promethazine HCL tablets. It is not used to treat travel sickness but rather hay fever, but it causes drowsiness. I have taken this medicine for four international flights and I have to say, I have never travelled so well in my life! During Christmas 2015, I was scheduled at the last minute to fly from London to Hong Kong. A few days before the flight I was thinking about more serious medication to make the flight more bearable for myself. Therefore I went to my GP and explained my situation, she prescribed me this tablet and it WORKS WONDERS! Honestly, I have travelled more often in recent years is because I have finally found my holy grail! I previously read how other people deal with this sickness and many recommended this tablet.
How to overcome travel anxiety?
Due to the fact I have thrown up countless times, it has caused me to have a lot of anxiety and fear when I'm on the plane. Im not scared of flying, I love heights and the view of the world below. Its just the thought I have to trapped in the same place for 12 hours. I used to fly economy on Cathay Pacific, and hated it since Cathay Pacific plane's have a very distinct smell that makes me what to throw up. Three years ago, since British Airways brought out the A380 premium Economy or world traveller plus as they call it, I religiously travel on this plane. There is no smell, I get more room to be comfortable; which is vital if you get anxious because you don't want to feel confined.
To answer the question of how I overcame this anxiety, firstly BREATHE! Sounds funny but take a deep breath for three seconds and hold for three seconds. Then breathe out for three seconds. Repeat until you feel normal again. Whenever I feel anxious especially the weeks leading up to the flight or even in the airport, once I kept practising this it instantly calmed me now. Secondly, learn how to control your air sickness. Purely by being prepared with a good amount of sickbags ( they provide this on the plane if you need it) and lots of tissues. I currently have a huge stack on them ready for whenever I need to fly long haul flights. Thirdly, is having a good meal before you fly. Feeling full but not over full will calm your mind.
A product I discovered that helped me sleep, is a rose eye mask that warms your eyes for 10 minutes and can be used as an ordinary eye mask afterwards. Its a Japanese brand called Meg rhythm and comes in four different scents. I managed to fall asleep before take off and wake up when it was one hour prior to landing, therefore a good 12 hours of sleep. I didn't feel sick and anxious on that flight. My parents were so shocked when they came to pick me up since I'm normally sick on flights, I look quite tired and exhausted when I step off. After using this it didn't seem like I was on a plane for 14 hours.
In recently years opportunities in life have resulted me in becoming quite a world traveller with on average having to take 4 to 6 long haul flights. For someone like me who suffers from air sickness and travel anxiety, how do I fly ?
How to control air sickness ?
Firstly, I use the word control rather than stop, because the more you tell yourself "Don't throw up!" Ironic but you are more likely to than not. Secondly be prepared, if I do feel the need to be sick I ALWAYS have multiple sick bags and tissues next to me. Never stop yourself throwing up because this will extend the time you suffer. Honestly, the pressure in your stomach feels so much better once you relive it. I'm so discreet when I throw up, even my friends sitting next to me didn't realise!
Thirdly, Sleep! Sleeping is a major benefit, since it relaxes you and allows your body to regain energy.
A medicine that I have used for two years and I would highly recommend is called Promethazine HCL tablets. It is not used to treat travel sickness but rather hay fever, but it causes drowsiness. I have taken this medicine for four international flights and I have to say, I have never travelled so well in my life! During Christmas 2015, I was scheduled at the last minute to fly from London to Hong Kong. A few days before the flight I was thinking about more serious medication to make the flight more bearable for myself. Therefore I went to my GP and explained my situation, she prescribed me this tablet and it WORKS WONDERS! Honestly, I have travelled more often in recent years is because I have finally found my holy grail! I previously read how other people deal with this sickness and many recommended this tablet.
How to overcome travel anxiety?
Due to the fact I have thrown up countless times, it has caused me to have a lot of anxiety and fear when I'm on the plane. Im not scared of flying, I love heights and the view of the world below. Its just the thought I have to trapped in the same place for 12 hours. I used to fly economy on Cathay Pacific, and hated it since Cathay Pacific plane's have a very distinct smell that makes me what to throw up. Three years ago, since British Airways brought out the A380 premium Economy or world traveller plus as they call it, I religiously travel on this plane. There is no smell, I get more room to be comfortable; which is vital if you get anxious because you don't want to feel confined.
To answer the question of how I overcame this anxiety, firstly BREATHE! Sounds funny but take a deep breath for three seconds and hold for three seconds. Then breathe out for three seconds. Repeat until you feel normal again. Whenever I feel anxious especially the weeks leading up to the flight or even in the airport, once I kept practising this it instantly calmed me now. Secondly, learn how to control your air sickness. Purely by being prepared with a good amount of sickbags ( they provide this on the plane if you need it) and lots of tissues. I currently have a huge stack on them ready for whenever I need to fly long haul flights. Thirdly, is having a good meal before you fly. Feeling full but not over full will calm your mind.
A product I discovered that helped me sleep, is a rose eye mask that warms your eyes for 10 minutes and can be used as an ordinary eye mask afterwards. Its a Japanese brand called Meg rhythm and comes in four different scents. I managed to fall asleep before take off and wake up when it was one hour prior to landing, therefore a good 12 hours of sleep. I didn't feel sick and anxious on that flight. My parents were so shocked when they came to pick me up since I'm normally sick on flights, I look quite tired and exhausted when I step off. After using this it didn't seem like I was on a plane for 14 hours.
Hope this posts helps other who are dealing with the same condition as me!
Sunday, 21 August 2016
Summer Life update !
I'm currently back in London, after just coming back from a nine day trip to Switzerland with family. Overall summer 2016 has been the best summer I have had to far, purely because I have finally pushed myself in taking a new life adventure and I have definitely accomplished far more than I would ever have dreamed of.
Back in June, my two closest friends and I went on a girls trip to Sunny Malta! First time ever going abroad with friends, therefore prior to this trip I think all three of us were quite worried we would argue or there was going to be a lot of drama. Surprisingly, none of this happened and we had the most amazing trip that we all deserved. We split the day in half, so in the morning we would lounge in the sun or do water sports when the temperature was quite warm but not roasting hot. After lunch we would go out into town and do some sightseeing. This was the perfect balance since back in August 2015 ( Yes we planned this trip for a long time), we wanted to go on a beach holiday rather than a city break since all three of us live in London and city life becomes generic after a while. Despite some of my other friends have told me to never go on holiday with close friends because living together can cause arguments and friction, but after this trip I definitely feel the three of use have become so much closer; as well as understand each other more.
Fast forward to 15th July, where my real life adventure started. I was scheduled to fly to Hong Kong from Heathrow T5 Airport, most crucially BY MYSELF for the very first time! Some people might be reading this and thinking "it not a big deal some kids fly by themselves to go to study abroad at a much younger age". True ! but I get airsickness and anxiety when I travel on planes. This is something I have had to endure and overcome since I was 9 years old. Its only these two years that my anxiety has improved because I have learnt how to control it and how to calm myself down. I might do a blog post on how I control my anxiety but at 19, Im still learning how to overcome this myself.
I pass through immigration at Heathrow T5, and yes I did cry a bit, but overall the flight was relatively smooth and even though I did throw up 5 times, it was a good flight. I stayed in Hong Kong for 4 days before taking a train to Guangzhou. The real reason I flew to Asia.
Guangzhou Camp !
Yes, the main point of this trip half way around the world was to attend a Study abroad camp in Guangzhou, China. Guangzhou is very near Hong Kong and the train ride is only two hours. Despite all my family lives in HK, my dad booked a hotel for me to stay in for 4 days and three nights. It was so much fun staying in a hotel by myself but yes it did get quiet at night, but luckily by friends and family in England and HK are only a WhatsApp away to keep me company. One surprising thing that happened to me in which I have never experienced before was homesickness. The night before I was suppose to take a train to Guangzhou. I got really homesick and was VERY worried about what to expect at camp. Purely because this is my first camp and first time away from home for a few weeks by myself half way around the world. At 4am HK time, I called home and cried for two hours on the phone to my parents. I never get homesick, even at university I never really missed home. The reason I got so upset was because when I arrived in HK, my skin started breaking out REALLY BADLY as in my face was FULL of acne. My skin looked red and was painful to touch. Also, I was really worried about whether or not I would make friends. If I didn't enjoy it do I have enough money in my bank account to buy a ticket back to London etc. All these thoughts including jet lag and lack of sleep caused me to overthink. Which is something I do quite often especially at night, Overthink !
Looking back at it now, I feel so silly because camp was the BEST TWO WEEKS I have ever had. I met a group of friends from around the wold, Canadians, Italians, Americans, Morocco, Medians and Brits. From the first day, we all got to know each really well and made memories that I will cherish eternally. Honestly, the coolest and most down to earth people that you will ever meet ! Every night all of us ( around 20+ people), would sit in one for the bigger rooms and bond. With the lack of wifi and connection with the outside world, since every thing in China is blocked!
The Truth or dare game kept us entertained, our dare games were lethal and truth questions were shocking! I could write forever about our memories and banter but a real highlight in which I have to mention is something along the lines of camp romance. It is what the name implies, meeting someone at camp but only have a thing during camp. It feels brutal once camp ends but thats life, I know because I am experiencing the aftermath right now. Within the England team I met a guy called Y ( not going to disclose his real name), We were friends during the first half of camp but I didn't really know him very well. My first impression of him was literally " wow this guy is blunt", resting bitch face if he didn't smile and generally quite a cold,serious person, definitely not someone you want to get in a heated debate with. Soon he opened up and he was really a relaxed, funny person, a complete opposite to my first impression. During camp, there were three odd days in which the camp took us to Guangzhou and Shenzhen for sightseeing. It wasn't until the second day of the trips in which we became more close since we sat next to each other at the back of the coach.
The second day of trips was to Shenzhen, a two hour coach ride from our university. Since it was 8am in the morning we were all relatively tired. So Y asked me if he could sleep on my shoulder, obviously I said yes but the funny thing was Y is nearly 6 foot tall and I'm 5ft4. Yes height difference! My shoulder was not tall enough for him to be comfortable therefore we switched and I put my head on his shoulder. The next part of the story is something I find really sweet, which is he felt my leg and it was cold so he got his jumper and put on me. After a heartbreaking incident with someone at Uni last term, I felt really warm :) So then we both got really close and snuggled at the backseat of the coach. I did not want this moment to end. Generally at night the whole group would hang out and have fun sometimes in room 202 and my room as well room 206. The events that happened at night are only between me and Y to know, therefore I won't write about them. Despite this, Y will always be the most gentlemen and sweetest guy I know. Our relationship is just 'having good feelings towards each other, and not boyfriend/girlfriend'. I will admit if Y and I were the same age, yes I would date him. Apart from age, reality also stops us being together because of the people at home in England. We both agreed this relationship would only last in camp. The 4 nights we spent together and the last night of camp are nights I will always remember ....! So fast forward to the last morning of camp, in which is the saddest part to this story. We all stayed for majority of the night to say goodbye to people leaving very early in the morning. When it was my turn to go at 9am, I nearly cried for two reasons, I don't want to leave the amazing people I met and secondly it was the last time I would see Y. I just remember that morning after the group hug in the lobby I could not stop looking at Y, even in the car as it drove away from the building Y was standing outside with everyone else waving goodbye to me, and I ....kept looking in his direction from the back window. Even though everyone is on social media, but talking online to different to spending time with someone in person. Therefore it was a harsh moment to bare, but its also a fact you have a face. Even though we don't live far from each other, but the distance is still far itself.
Currently my life seems like the Charlie Puth ft Selena Gomez song - we don't talk anymore ! Typing it in a post is my way of confessing my feelings but I would never tell Y in person, purely because I don't want this is affect our friendship and I'm worried he will step back.
Aside from this soppy romance, all of us have each other on Facebook, snapchat etc. derpy photos of us have been posted everywhere on Facebook. Our photo dump group page is what I look at whenever I'm in a sad/bad mood because the photos are too funny for life! It also brings back good memories.
I took a train from Guangzhou to Hong Kong on August 3rd, Y was also supposed to go to Hong Kong for a few days but got cancelled last min due to family:( Could have showed him around my hometown that I love so much. The same night I took a plane from Hong Kong back to London Heathrow T5. Then only stayed in London for less than 48hrs before I flew to Switzerland with my family.
Overall, a every busy summer! Do I still think about Y, Yes! But time will fade everything and with University starting again soon I will meet more amazing people and start a new chapter in my life.
Typing this post because Im trying to avoid this summer project I have to do for first year!
Back in June, my two closest friends and I went on a girls trip to Sunny Malta! First time ever going abroad with friends, therefore prior to this trip I think all three of us were quite worried we would argue or there was going to be a lot of drama. Surprisingly, none of this happened and we had the most amazing trip that we all deserved. We split the day in half, so in the morning we would lounge in the sun or do water sports when the temperature was quite warm but not roasting hot. After lunch we would go out into town and do some sightseeing. This was the perfect balance since back in August 2015 ( Yes we planned this trip for a long time), we wanted to go on a beach holiday rather than a city break since all three of us live in London and city life becomes generic after a while. Despite some of my other friends have told me to never go on holiday with close friends because living together can cause arguments and friction, but after this trip I definitely feel the three of use have become so much closer; as well as understand each other more.
Fast forward to 15th July, where my real life adventure started. I was scheduled to fly to Hong Kong from Heathrow T5 Airport, most crucially BY MYSELF for the very first time! Some people might be reading this and thinking "it not a big deal some kids fly by themselves to go to study abroad at a much younger age". True ! but I get airsickness and anxiety when I travel on planes. This is something I have had to endure and overcome since I was 9 years old. Its only these two years that my anxiety has improved because I have learnt how to control it and how to calm myself down. I might do a blog post on how I control my anxiety but at 19, Im still learning how to overcome this myself.
I pass through immigration at Heathrow T5, and yes I did cry a bit, but overall the flight was relatively smooth and even though I did throw up 5 times, it was a good flight. I stayed in Hong Kong for 4 days before taking a train to Guangzhou. The real reason I flew to Asia.
Guangzhou Camp !
Yes, the main point of this trip half way around the world was to attend a Study abroad camp in Guangzhou, China. Guangzhou is very near Hong Kong and the train ride is only two hours. Despite all my family lives in HK, my dad booked a hotel for me to stay in for 4 days and three nights. It was so much fun staying in a hotel by myself but yes it did get quiet at night, but luckily by friends and family in England and HK are only a WhatsApp away to keep me company. One surprising thing that happened to me in which I have never experienced before was homesickness. The night before I was suppose to take a train to Guangzhou. I got really homesick and was VERY worried about what to expect at camp. Purely because this is my first camp and first time away from home for a few weeks by myself half way around the world. At 4am HK time, I called home and cried for two hours on the phone to my parents. I never get homesick, even at university I never really missed home. The reason I got so upset was because when I arrived in HK, my skin started breaking out REALLY BADLY as in my face was FULL of acne. My skin looked red and was painful to touch. Also, I was really worried about whether or not I would make friends. If I didn't enjoy it do I have enough money in my bank account to buy a ticket back to London etc. All these thoughts including jet lag and lack of sleep caused me to overthink. Which is something I do quite often especially at night, Overthink !
Looking back at it now, I feel so silly because camp was the BEST TWO WEEKS I have ever had. I met a group of friends from around the wold, Canadians, Italians, Americans, Morocco, Medians and Brits. From the first day, we all got to know each really well and made memories that I will cherish eternally. Honestly, the coolest and most down to earth people that you will ever meet ! Every night all of us ( around 20+ people), would sit in one for the bigger rooms and bond. With the lack of wifi and connection with the outside world, since every thing in China is blocked!
The Truth or dare game kept us entertained, our dare games were lethal and truth questions were shocking! I could write forever about our memories and banter but a real highlight in which I have to mention is something along the lines of camp romance. It is what the name implies, meeting someone at camp but only have a thing during camp. It feels brutal once camp ends but thats life, I know because I am experiencing the aftermath right now. Within the England team I met a guy called Y ( not going to disclose his real name), We were friends during the first half of camp but I didn't really know him very well. My first impression of him was literally " wow this guy is blunt", resting bitch face if he didn't smile and generally quite a cold,serious person, definitely not someone you want to get in a heated debate with. Soon he opened up and he was really a relaxed, funny person, a complete opposite to my first impression. During camp, there were three odd days in which the camp took us to Guangzhou and Shenzhen for sightseeing. It wasn't until the second day of the trips in which we became more close since we sat next to each other at the back of the coach.
The second day of trips was to Shenzhen, a two hour coach ride from our university. Since it was 8am in the morning we were all relatively tired. So Y asked me if he could sleep on my shoulder, obviously I said yes but the funny thing was Y is nearly 6 foot tall and I'm 5ft4. Yes height difference! My shoulder was not tall enough for him to be comfortable therefore we switched and I put my head on his shoulder. The next part of the story is something I find really sweet, which is he felt my leg and it was cold so he got his jumper and put on me. After a heartbreaking incident with someone at Uni last term, I felt really warm :) So then we both got really close and snuggled at the backseat of the coach. I did not want this moment to end. Generally at night the whole group would hang out and have fun sometimes in room 202 and my room as well room 206. The events that happened at night are only between me and Y to know, therefore I won't write about them. Despite this, Y will always be the most gentlemen and sweetest guy I know. Our relationship is just 'having good feelings towards each other, and not boyfriend/girlfriend'. I will admit if Y and I were the same age, yes I would date him. Apart from age, reality also stops us being together because of the people at home in England. We both agreed this relationship would only last in camp. The 4 nights we spent together and the last night of camp are nights I will always remember ....! So fast forward to the last morning of camp, in which is the saddest part to this story. We all stayed for majority of the night to say goodbye to people leaving very early in the morning. When it was my turn to go at 9am, I nearly cried for two reasons, I don't want to leave the amazing people I met and secondly it was the last time I would see Y. I just remember that morning after the group hug in the lobby I could not stop looking at Y, even in the car as it drove away from the building Y was standing outside with everyone else waving goodbye to me, and I ....kept looking in his direction from the back window. Even though everyone is on social media, but talking online to different to spending time with someone in person. Therefore it was a harsh moment to bare, but its also a fact you have a face. Even though we don't live far from each other, but the distance is still far itself.
Currently my life seems like the Charlie Puth ft Selena Gomez song - we don't talk anymore ! Typing it in a post is my way of confessing my feelings but I would never tell Y in person, purely because I don't want this is affect our friendship and I'm worried he will step back.
Aside from this soppy romance, all of us have each other on Facebook, snapchat etc. derpy photos of us have been posted everywhere on Facebook. Our photo dump group page is what I look at whenever I'm in a sad/bad mood because the photos are too funny for life! It also brings back good memories.
I took a train from Guangzhou to Hong Kong on August 3rd, Y was also supposed to go to Hong Kong for a few days but got cancelled last min due to family:( Could have showed him around my hometown that I love so much. The same night I took a plane from Hong Kong back to London Heathrow T5. Then only stayed in London for less than 48hrs before I flew to Switzerland with my family.
Overall, a every busy summer! Do I still think about Y, Yes! But time will fade everything and with University starting again soon I will meet more amazing people and start a new chapter in my life.
Typing this post because Im trying to avoid this summer project I have to do for first year!
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