Recently Alex no longer looks at my snapchat stories. The last connection I had with him seems to be fading but not by my choice. For a long time snapchat was my way of reminding myself of him, but every since he didn't post a story for months and no a days he doesn't even look at my story I feel even the last way of seeing him name appear on my phone seems to be gone. Even though I previously stated I am over him and don't have anymore feelings. But its been nearly 6 months and I still think about him everyday. Whenever I post a snapchat story it was my own secret way of wondering when he would look at my story. Thinking he still cared about me. My own way of avoiding the reality of everything.
Even fate is not on our side. May 29th an opportunity to see him at Kevin's BBQ but is the day I land in Hong Kong. For months my wish was to see Alex again. But even the sky doesn't think this is a good idea. Alex and I crossing paths back in September was a mistake because it only brought me pain and sadness. But I can't seem to forget you. No matter how hard I try. Maybe its because you were never mine and the one thing I couldn't get. I gave myself hope for months, a morphine to numb how I felt. Making myself feel unloved which resulted in more pain than I could handle. Even though I could mask in in front of other people I can't lie to myself.
I still have feelings for Alex but when I think of you, its not happy memories. Your image is fading from my mind but the emotion is still living. I don't like you I hate you because I feel like I'm dying inside. The sadness is eating me alive. I wanted to forget you but I simply cannot. But there is nothing I can do because I know for a fact you don't feel the same way about me.
Being in Hong Kong next week doesn't exactly help me forget about you.
I need to keep on moving on with my life but I can't help myself to stop and think about you. Wondering if I would see you when I turned a corner.
These 6 months have been really tiring I really need a holiday without you in my thoughts.
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