Would I feel better if I just gave up ....?

So yesterday the long awaited day of going ice skating finally came. I still felt very anxious and nervous on the journey there as I did not know what to expect. I had the most amazing night with my friends, and made lots of very funny memories. I was at first bit disappointed and upset because I felt as thought he was dodging me a bit at times, but despite this I still had lots of fun with my own friends. He did help me up every time I fell on the ice which was quite sweet. Throughout the night my friends kept pushing me and telling me to walk with him and make conversation. I felt so shy and honestly didn't know what to do. The highlight of last night must be when he joined my friends and I for dinner at a Japanese restaurant. I was so happy it was just the four of us and not joined by his other friends, eisthwise there won't be any opportunity to have a good conversation with him. Things I thought would happen did not, maybe because his friends were there so it would be awkward if he was close with me.

So long story short, I currently feel as though Im back to square 1 of missing him again. Since I rarely get the opportunity to see him and so much has happened in-between Halloween night and last night. So in conclusion I feel as though especially from his point of view and as painful as it is for to admit I feel as though he only wants to be friends. I don't sense any motivation to take this relationship further than friends. In my mind I overhype the reality of situations and even as i am typing this I don't know what to say. I want to stay happy but whenever I think of him .....i wish i could !

Would i feel emotionally better if I just try to forget him but the more I try the more I miss him. He's just such a nice guy so thats why I fell for him. Such a simple reason but has such a large impact on me. He's done nothing that hurt me but the vibe I can feel is he only thinks of me as a friend.

Just friends or something else ?

So last week Alex texted me and invited me to an ice skating event on 7th December. I was so happy and excited because it has been a month since I have seen him and it felt as though he is in a way 'asking me out'. But as the days come nearer,  Ive become more insecure as in what to expect on Wednesday. Since that day will in some ways label how our friendship really is. Over the past few days friends have been asking me what Alex and I talk about, as this would in some ways judge if there is a spark in our relationship. Truthfully, even though we have a impressive streak on snapchat of 10 days +, also we have been communicating everyday for the past month. But there hasn't been a very deep conversation, it probably because Ive only seen him twice and known him only for a few months therefore the friendship isn't very deep, in comparison to if I went to Uni with him. For the past few days I have just been telling myself not to expect anything and to not get my hopes up. Honestly, I just don't want to be disappointed since I rarely get the opportunity to see him. Scared, Worried, Fearful etc are words I would describe how I feel right now. Even talking about it to my friends worry me as I'm worried I will jinx everything. Also, the amount I have due in next week has been helping to keep my mind off things but a relationship has been something I have wanted for a while now and its not been smooth sailing in terms of my love life. Being an only child has resulted in growing up alone in some terms. Even though I have my forever loving parents and friends with me, there have been times when I really wanted to talk to or have the company of a sibling. Therefore when the opportunity for me to meet new people aka boys, I guess this was my chance to fill the void of having someone who love and cares for me, someone always there for me.